Daily Mirror - 30.07.2019

mirror.co.uk TUESDAY 30.07.2019 DAILY MIRROR^31

DM1ST

■ MARTIN BAGOT is the

Mirror’s Health Correspondent

Martin Bagot’s

HEALTH

NOTES

■ Dieters who struggle to give

up their favourite dishes will

be encouraged by research

that suggests eating meals

earlier can help them

shed pounds.

A US study found that

overweight people eating all

three main meals by 2pm

burned more fat than when

they ate the same food over a

longer time.

Researchers say this could

be the key to weight loss

without having to

change what we

eat. Author Eric

Ravussin, of

Louisiana State

University, said:

“Coordinating

meals with circadian

rhythms, or your body’s

internal clock, may be a

powerful strategy for reducing

appetite and improving

metabolic health.”

■ Tips on “deathbed etiquette”

have been released to help

people prepare for the final

moments of loved ones’ lives.

Advice includes reassuring

your relative or friend that they

are “free to let go”, being

prepared in case they die while

you are out of the room, and

not being afraid if they talk

about dead relatives “coming

to meet them”.

People are also warned that

their loved one may sleep a lot

during their last

days and that

their breathing

may stop and

start as they

near death.

The Art of

Dying Well

website by

academics at

London’s St Mary’s University

was designed using

contributions from hospice

workers, palliative care

experts, nurses, chaplains and

bereaved families.

Project director Margaret

Doherty said: “It’s really to help

families and friends who arrive

at the hospital, hospice or loved

one’s home and aren’t quite

sure what to do or what to say.

In a sense, that’s all of us, when

we are confronted with death

for the first time.”

For more information, go to

artofdyingwell.org.

HEALTH

Would YOU give an ex

one of your kidneys?

BY DAWN COLLINSON

FIVE years after their divorce, Dan

Pyatt and ex-wife Kelly Hope had

the most important disagreement

of their lives.

As he lay in Guy’s Hospital, with his

kidneys failing and no donor after 12

months on the waiting list, she told him:

“I’m going to get tested for a transplant.”

Kelly recalls: “He said to me, ‘I can’t

ask you to do that’. But I told him, ‘It’s

not up to you. It’s my decision. I know

what the risks are and I’m doing it.’

“Even though we weren’t together

any more, I wasn’t prepared to let my

children be without a father. And Dan

is only 44 – he’s got so much more life

to lead.”

Dan and Kelly had begun dating at 18

and married 13 years later in 2007 – but

less than a year later Dan fell ill with an

aggressive type of kidney disease.

Expecting their second daughter, the

pair were warned that in 10 years he

would need a transplant.

“There were no kidney problems in

Dan’s family, he was just unlucky,” says

Kelly, 43. “He was always tired and had

flu-like symptoms and headaches, but

he’s a London taxi driver so at first we

put it down to overwork. Then on a

weekend to Bournemouth when I was

pregnant in 2008 he was so unwell he

couldn’t get out of the hotel room.”

They went to A&E where a urine

sample showed a high level of blood and

he was admitted for more tests.

“They couldn’t work out what was

wrong. They were talking about

leukaemia. We were terrified,” says Kelly.

“Then a consultant thought it might

be kidney-related, so Dan was trans-

ferred to Guy’s for a biopsy and diag-

nosed with IgA nephropathy

in both kidneys, a build-up

of protein which inflames

and damages tissue.”

The couple were told

there was no cure, but Dan

was given medication to

protect his kidneys and

they made changes to his

diet and lifestyle.

He returned regularly

to Guy’s to be monitored

until, in September 2017,

he was told his kidney

function had fallen to

just 8% and he was put

on dialysis and on a

deceased donor waiting list.

Sadly, by now their marriage

had broken down. “There was no

one else involved, we just weren’t

getting on any more, even though

we tried and tried,” says Kelly. “We

had different priorities, life

pressures, work patterns. I

was a PA at the time and Dan

was a taxi driver so we were

like ships in the night.

“We didn’t just walk away,

but in the end we realised we

couldn’t keep going around in

circles. It was making the

atmosphere at home horrible.

It wasn’t healthy for the chil-

dren, so we both decided it

would be best to separate.”

Kelly stayed in the family

home in Bromley, South East London,

with daughters Billie and Jeanie, while

Dan moved into a flat nearby. But they

were determined not to lose the friend-

ship they’d had since childhood.

“There were lots of times when it was

very hard, but we’ve been

such good friends such a

long time we had to

discuss our difficulties

and find a way to make it

work.”

After their divorce, Kelly

still went with Dan to his

hospital appointments. “He

was on dialysis three days

a week, six hours a day, and

it affected his relationship

with the girls. There was no

quality time and it

was so upsetting

for them to see

him really

unwell. The

consultants

started to talk

to Dan about a

transplant, but

he wasn’t one for

telling family or

friends how critical

things were.

“After a year on the

deceased donor list we hadn’t

had one call. He was deterio-

rating badly by then and it

became clear to me what I

had to do. He never asked

me. I told him.” Initial tests

showed Kelly was a good

tissue match, but their blood

didn’t match.

“We had the option of

going into a donor pool, where I’d

donate to someone, then someone

would donate to Dan in return. But that

only happens two or three times a year

with no guarantee of a perfect match.”

They were running out of time so,

after considering the risks, they decided

on a blood-incompatible transplant

which involves removing antibodies

from the blood to prevent rejection.

“We were really open with our girls

about it because we didn’t want them

scared. On the day in August 2018 they

were with us in Guy’s.

“It was so emotional. We sat with Dan

for a while, and he told me ‘Good luck

Kel, thank you so much’. Then the girls

waved me off to theatre. I could see how

worried they were, trying to smile, and

I had to be strong for them.”

The op was a success, and Dan was

discharged just five days later. “He

bounced out of there, you could see the

difference immediately,” says Kelly.

With Dan on anti-rejection tablets,

and able to return to work, they spent a

happy Christmas as a family with their

girls, now 16 and 11, and enjoyed a

holiday in France.

“Everyone says to us, ‘Surely you’ll get

back together now?’ but it’s brought us

closer in a different way,” Kelly insists.

“At Guy’s they said they’d never had

an ex donate, but everyone’s relation-

ship is different. When we split we were

able to save the best parts of our rela-

tionship and rebuild from that.

“To me, I was giving a kidney to the

father of my children and the best friend

I’ve had since I was 11. We might not be

married now, but we’re still very much

a family and I had to make that sacrifice

to keep our family together.”

As for Dan, he is still overwhelmed by

his ex-wife’s extraordinary gesture.

“It was truly a selfless act, to put

your own life on the line to help

someone else is amazing. Kelly will

always be my hero.”

LIFESAVER

Dan in hospital

to receive a

kidney from

ex-wife Kelly

Even though

we weren’t

together any

more I wasn’t

prepared to

let my

children be

without a

father

BOND Hospital

and (right) at

2007 wedding