CAR and Driver - March 2017

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The Columnists

Ezra Dyer

electric bugg y—no doors, no worries—
seemed like the kind of thing I should be
doing. So I started scanning eBay, Craigs­
list, and even golf­cart forums (oh, don’t
pretend you’ve never been on Buggies Gone
Wild) looking for my new ride. I soon
learned that putting a cart in my garage was
going to be more expensive
than I’d thought.
Non­street­legal golf carts
are cheap. But the ones you
can register conform to a
­differentsetofrules, the
ones that apply to low­speed
vehicles (LSVs), a class of
machine that was developed
for gated communities in
Florida where the HOA dictates the height
of the grass, and every second Tuesday
there are orgies in the secret dungeon
under Sue’s house. LSVs need VINs, seat­
belts, and a DOT­compliant windshield,
among many other miscellaneous features
necessary to achieve a modicum of road­
worthiness. Most exciting from an enthu­
siast’s perspective, LSVs have more power
than standard electric carts. As in, maybe
fivehorsepower.Butyoucansoupthem
up to seven or eight ponies if you’re the
kind of person who thinks too much power
is never enough.
W hilst on the lookout for an LSV, I
tested a new Mitsubishi i­MiEV, a vehicle
that’s not much bigger than a two­row cart.
It turns out that secondhand i­M i E Vs , w it h
their 66 horsepower and rear­wheel drive,

are priced the same as nice used golf carts.

And the i­MiEV is more fun than it looks. I

discovered that if I deactivated traction

control, turned the front wheels to full lock,

andbrake-torquedofftheline,Icouldcoax

the mid­motored Mitsubishi into a serious

gravel-sprayingfishtailcappedbyagrace­

ful slide out into my paved

cul­de­sac. In this manner,

I am proud to say I accom­

plished a feat heretofore

deemed impossible: laying

down rubber with an i­M i E V.

The problem with the

i­MiEV is that it’s a car. A

small car, yes, but a car none­

theless. Behind the wheel,

you feel not an iota of naughtiness, no fris­

son of rules bent or broken. But I had an

idea to rectify that, which I presented to

i­MiEV owner Aaron Robinson at last year’s

Lightning Lap.

“I want to get an i­MiEV and Mad Max

it,”Itoldhim.“Takeoffthedoors.Maybe

give it a canvas roof, jack it up a couple of

inches,andputonfenderflares.”Towhich

Aaron replied, “I’d expect nothing less

from you.” He went on to opine that the

LSV­versus­Mitsubishi quandary was no

quandary at all. “If you’re going to spend

the same amount of money,” he asked,

“why not get airbags and air conditioning?”

Furthermore, LSVs top out at 25 mph, can

only operate on roads posted at 35 mph or

less, and generally use heav y lead­ac id b at­

teries that need to be replaced every few

years or so. After careful consideration of

Aaron’s reasoning, I concluded that an

i­MiEV made more sense in every way. So I

bought a GEM.

GEM, for those not in the know, stands

for Global Electric Motorcars, a name that

surelyreflectsambitionsunrealized.Igot

myselfa 2009 e4,whichsplitsthediffer­

ence between an i­MiEV and walking. It’s

studly, as golf carts go, with a coil­over

front suspension, an aluminum frame, and

four forward­facing seats. These days,

GEM is owned by Polaris, but mine proudly

wears a badge that reads “Global Electric

Motorcars: A Chrysler Company.” Hey,

they can’t all be Hellcats.

I scored my GEM from a GovPlanet sur­

plus auction for two grand. The front end is

emblazonedwithalogoreading“NCHB-1,”

which means that my machine was used by

Nav y Cargo Handling Battalion One, mak­

ing it possibly the least macho military

vehicle since the ill­fated Northrop Grum­

man Tandem Assault Bicycle. Because the

nav y removed all the batteries, nobody had

any idea of the mileage or if it even ran. But

I took a chance, trailered the thing home

from Virginia, and installed six new Trojan

deep-cycle12-voltbatteries,eachofwhich

weighsnearly 100 pounds.Afternot-at-all-

confidentlywiringthebatteriesintowhat

I hoped was a 72­volt pack, I plugged in the

charger and prepared for sparks and explo­

sions. Instead, the multicolor LED dash lit

up,theodometerdisplaying 1087 miles.

After a complete charge, I removed the

optional doors (Uncle Sam sprung for all

the goodies) and went for a spin. Rusty

brake rotors aside, she was primo.

I’m proud of my e4 , total investment of

about $3400. Sure, I could’ve indulged in

bourgeois excess and bought a fancy i­MiEV

like Holly wood Robinson, but I stand by

my decision. Not everybody needs luxury

features like roll­up windows and safety.

Sometimes you just want to feel the wind

in your hair, smell the battery acid in your

nostrils, and hear the bystanders asking, “Is

that one of those things they drive around

in airports?” If you say this isn’t a real car,

you’reright.Butit’sdefinitelyarealGEM.

I don’t know quite how I devel-

oped the need for a street-legal

golf cart, but once I got the notion,

it was unshakable. I’m happiest

when I feel as if I’m getting away

with something, and cruising

around town in a goofy open-air

30. CAR AND DRIVER. MAR/2017