Flying USA – August 2019

56 | AUGUST 2019 FLYINGMAG.COM

THREE GREEN, NO RED Gags

another Neanderthal appears on the skid and begins

pounding on the window and screaming for the now

reagitated actor’s blood.

The final aviation-themed gag in this trio: For a time,

I was seconded to a distinguished theatrical family that

had been a part of the Algonquin Round Table—a group

of writers, actors and other wits based in New York City. I

got to hear a few good reminiscences, and here’s one now.

These Algonquin merrymakers called themselves the

Vicious Circle. They included Robert Benchley, Dorothy

Parker, Harpo Marx, Noel Coward, Tallulah Bankhead,

George S. Kaufman and so on.

They loved games, and a favorite game was Murder.

I believe we all know it. The players draw lots. One lot

designates the “murderer.” The group works to figure out

who the murderer is, as, one by one, the members fall to his

or her fell act: The chosen murderer winks at the victim,

and suddenly there’s one less mouth to feed.

Well, the Vicious Circle had been playing Murder all

winter. Many had died, and even as the list of potential

culprits shrunk, the murderer’s identity remained a mys-

tery. The group was going for the weekend to someone’s

country house on Long Island. Benchley begged off at the

last minute, calling the country house, hoarse and fever-

ish, to say he was too ill for words and would have to stay

in bed in Manhattan. He was particularly irked, he said,

because he felt he was “on the scent” and hated to miss out

on the game.

“Look,” he croaked, “I can’t stand it. I’ve been given some

medicine and have to lie down. But call me back in two

hours, and let me know if there have been any new victims.”

Benchley hangs up and runs down to a waiting cab. The

cab takes him to a seaplane waiting in the East River.

Benchley f lies to East Hampton, and the seaplane

touches down just off the beach of the country house.

Benchley is rowed ashore. He creeps up to the house, and he

sees one of the group entering the powder room. He knocks

on the window, the victim turns and Benchley winks at her.

He reverses the process—back to the seaplane, back to

New York and is back in his apartment when the phone

rings. He croaks, “Hello?” and is devastated to learn that in

his absence there has been another murder.

As Mr. Kipling had it:

There are three degrees of bliss

And three abodes of the Blest.

And the lowest place is his

Who has saved a soul by a jest

And a brother’s soul in sport...

But there do the Angels Resort.

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