MaximumPC 2004 10

Reviews

Singles: Flirt Up Your Life

If you thought gonorrhea was a drag, try this

If you can recall the crushing disappointment of hatching your first batch
of Sea Monkeys, you have a pretty good idea of the experience offered by
Singles.
The objective of Singles is simple. Through an interminable campaign
of mouse-clicking, you attempt to help two roommates overcome the
common-sense barrier of not sleeping together until they can no longer help
themselves, at which point they jump into bed for an embarrassing 22-second
grapple beneath the comforter. That’s it. Whee. Pass the champagne.
You begin by choosing two characters from a cast of 16—eight men and
eight women ranging from urban temp worker to goth weeny. They can be any
race as long as they’re Caucasian. You can put two guys or two girls together
as long as one of them is either James, the guy who “preferred dressing up
his sister’s dolls to playing with his toy train” or Shannon, the “professional
athlete.” Believe it or not, things actually go downhill from here.
The advertisements and promotional screenshots coyly suggest—without
ever actually saying so—that Singles is The Sims gone full-frontal, but don’t
believe it. The entire game revolves around dish-washing, teeth-brushing,
snack-feeding, and robotically ordering your characters to flirt with each
other over and over again until they feel comfortable revealing their naughty
polygons to each other. The game’s obsessive, single-minded purpose of
humping your roommate prevents it from even being an enjoyable sandbox
experience like the game it’s ripping off.
If you’ve seen a single episode of Sex in the City or Queer as Folk , you’ve
seen way more action than you’ll ever see here. In fact, it’s bizarrely tame for
an “adult” title. Where are the drunken antics that end up in accidental
homosexual experiences? Or the wild parties that begin with a hit of Ecstasy
and end in a palimony lawsuit nine months later? Strangest of all, however, is
the complete absence of any sense of humor or playfulness that might have
provided some relief from queuing up “sweet talk” orders for hours on end.

Where’s the condom mini-game? Where are the challenging Sim City -style

disasters ( “Psychotic Ex-Girlfriend!,” “Herpes Outbreak!” )? There’s not even

multiplayer—not even four-play!

We’ll concede that visually-

speaking, Singles looks pretty

good. Your environment and

furnishings are three dimensional,

and you’re free to pan around,

adjust the viewing angle, and

zoom in and out (no pun intended).

But so what? If sex were this

boring, we’d choose abstinence.

—LOGAN DECKER

Missing: Since January

An interesting premise leads to an uninteresting

adventure game

To paraphrase Mark Twain, reports of the adventure game’s demise have
been greatly exaggerated. Recent titles such as The Longest Journey and
Syberia 2 proved that there was still some fun to be had with point-and-
click adventures, and genre stalwart The Adventure Company tries to keep
the ball rolling with its latest release: Missing: Since January. Previously
released in Europe by Ubisoft as In Memoriam , Missing is an interesting
and novel take on an established formula that ultimately falls short.
The premise of Missing revolves around the disappearance of a
journalist and his partner at the hands of serial killer. Named The Phoenix,
the murderer releases a CD-ROM that contains clues to the couple’s
whereabouts. This is where you come in. Gamers are challenged to
unlock the mystery by solving a series of puzzles using their wits, Internet
search engines, and their own e-mail accounts. Internet access is a game
requirement and is seamlessly integrated into the experience. Using
Google and other real-life Internet tools definitely makes the gameplay feel
more viscerally immersive, so much so that we believe it to be a glimpse of
the genre’s future.
Unfortunately, the rest of the experience isn’t as praiseworthy. The
majority of the puzzles are overly vague and teeth-gratingly difficult,
and the only reward for solving them is full-motion video clips that
are uninteresting and bland, despite the fine performances of the
featured actors. Even more disappointing is the game’s lackluster,
anticlimactic ending.
Missing: Since January is an interesting but flawed game that

will appeal to hardcore

adventure gamers or those

with a strong interest in the

occult. Gamers who have

only a passing interest in the

genre, however, should turn

elsewhere for their point-

and-click fix.

—TAE K. KIM

You can’t contract venereal disease from just

playing a game.

NVIDIA

CHLAMYDIA

On the other hand, the game is such a drag that

a clinic visit might be more fun.

$30, http://www.eidos.com

MA XIMUMPCVERDICT 3

Interesting premise and good integration of the

Internet.

FOUND MONEY

LOST KEYS

Uninteresting story, and overly difficult, vague

puzzles.

$20, http://www.theadventurecompany.com

MA XIMUMPCVERDICT 6

OCTOBER 2004 MA XIMUMPC

This is one of the few puzzles in the game that didn’t

make us want to pull out our hair in frustration: To solve

it, simply drag the knife into the hand.

Things are heating up at the Olsen twins’ household.

95