" Baaje, uneducated,and illiterate,told
us abouttheir changingweatherpatterns
yieldsand harvests.He explainedhow
theproposeddam wouldwreakhavoc not
onlyon theriver butonthewholelocal
ecosystem. "It will be the end," he said. "fiveyears,noneremain.Therewillbeonlymorepowerplants,moreroads,moredams.
Here,evenamongstthelocals,wefoundveryfewwhounderstoodthevalueofnature.
Theyallsoughtdevelopmentandbelievedthatit would only be the dams and the roads
thatwouldchangetheirlivesforthebetter.
InBudhigandaki,surveyinstrumentslinedtheriverbanks.Satona peacefulriverbank,
gazingoutattheexpanseofriverahead,it waspainfultoknowthatplanswerebeing
drawnuptosubmergeit all.Tarjanwassick,soRoshanandI setoutaloneona three-
dayhiketoourput-inwithincrediblyheavykayaks.It wasimpossibletofindportersas
theroadconstructionhadmonopolizedthelabormarket.Walkingalonga newlycarved
stretchof road,I struggledto carrymykayakandthrewit onthegroundin a fit of rage.This
wasnotthejourneyI hadplanned.Halfmyteamwasmissing,theriversandmountains
werebeingexcavatedcontinuously,andmyfive-year-olddaughterwasaskingmeto
comehome.Hearinghercrywasheartbreaking.I questionedwhatdreamI waschasing.
JustasI consideredgivingup,wemetlittlekidswhowereintriguedandexcitedbyour
kayaksandstoppedtoletthemplay.Theirsparksofjoymadeourloadsseemlighter.We
continuedupstreamthroughvillagesnewandoldandstartedourtwo-mandescentof the
Budhigandaki.Wewerealwaysonedge,tenseaswepaddledthroughnumerouslandslides
androckfalls.Climatechangebroughtin unusualweatherpatterns,andwesufferedfrom
it onandoffthewater.Astheonlytwopaddlersonethewaterin thoseconditions,neither
RoshannorI wereconfidentenoughin eachothertorunsomeofthebestwhitewateron
our mission. Wondering if I would ever have the chance to come back here, I suddenly felt
overwhelmedbyit all.Wouldtherebeanyriverslefttopaddleintenyears?Mythoughts
spiraledasI tookinthedestructionaroundme.Is everybodyafterdevelopment? Is this
whateverybodywants?AmI wrongtowanttofighta battleno-onevalues?WespentmuchofourtimeinCentralNepalinlimbo.Heavyrainandsnowsentusback
frommanyhighpassesandrivers.Ourwintergearwasstuckintheairportatcustoms,
andwerantheriskofpaddlingfreshicemeltriverswithinadequateequipment.Asa
team,wefailedtocommunicateeffectivelyormakecohesivedecisions.Theboyscould
seemeonlyastheirdai,nottheirteammate,neglectingtospeaktheirminds.Everyfailed
plansentusbacktochaoticcities,disruptingourflow,knockingourrhythmoutofsync.
Weseemedto bestuckamidstdestructionanddevelopment,makingit impossibleto see
andexploretheNepalI craved.Theonly hope left to experience the authenticity I was in
searchofwastheWestofNepal.OurfirstWesttripwasanaptwelcomebackintoexpeditionmodeandlocaltraveling.
After 22 hoursofmultiplebusrides,wegotonanother18-hourbustoDolpa.It wasa
fortuitousstart,aswelaterlearnedthatthebusweweresupposedtotakehadfallenoff
thecliff,killingsevenpeople.Wefeltluckybutexhaustedin ourbodiesandspirits.Onour
wayto exploretheareanearLakePhoksundo,theweatherturnednasty,andwehadto stay
inthemiddleofnowherewitha migrantfamily.Withouttheluxuriesofphoneserviceor
teahouses,I couldseetheteam’senthusiasmstartingtowaver.Havingcomesofar,and
beingsoclose,I wantedtocontinuefurtherstillandexplorethebeautifullake.A batch
offreshsnowcoveredeverything,addinglayerstothetrailsalreadycoveredinsnow.Our
chancesofreachingit wereslim,butwhatseparatedourexpeditionfroma commercial
tripif wedidn'tevenbothertrying?Wemadeourwayuptreacherouspaths.Afterthe
secondcamp,realizingthattheboysdidnot have the same urgency to see Nepal as I
did, I decided to venture out on my own.Nepalgunj,SouthwestNepal- Unload, load, load, and unload. The never-ending cycle of being on
mission. ©Roshan LamaMuguKarnali,Mugu- Eachkayakweighedover 40 kg,
which added difficulty to both the portages and whitewater.SetiKarnali,West– A freecommunityboatoperatedbya boysclubhelpsvillagerscrosstheriverwith
firewood for cooking. Roshan Lama watches, amazed by the balance needed to cross the river safely.