Golf Magazine USA – September 2019

THUGS WILL DO. EX-CONS,

TOO. THE BEST COURSE

CUSTODIANS ARE NOT WIMPS.

Marshall

Plan

S A WORKING CLUB PRO

at an elite facility that

accepts Groupons®, I wear

lots of hats. In addition

to teaching the game at a high level,

I also vacuum the pro shop, manage

beverage-cart operations and handle

(let’s just call them) delicate outside

services. It’s a big job. Luckily, I’ve

been around long enough to know

that the key to any successful golf op

is surrounding yourself with the right

people. A solid team makes my job a

lot easier. More importantly, it makes

me look hella good.

Aside from the cart girls, the most

critical hire a club pro makes is the

on-course marshal. The right guy

sets the tone for the entire place.

Unlike most decision-makers in the

golf space, I ignore the temptation to

select a customer service–oriented

individual with a friendly disposition.

If you want to keep rounds under

six hours and assure all beers are

bought on-site, you want a guy with

an edge, a hothead who literally dares

members to take their cart off the path

at a 70-degree angle, a powder keg

who patrols the course as if America’s

security depends on it, who believes

the mere sight of a member hitting

chip shots onto the putting green

warrants a physical confrontation.

Impossible to find, you say? Adhere

to my four hiring tips and you’ll have

your members terrified in no time.

with ginormous

chips on their

shoulders—

make great

candidates.

Also be on the

lookout for

career high-

school vice

principals who

believe that the

end of corporal

punishment

marked the

downfall of our

public educa-

tion system.

2. Hobbies
   and Interests
   Heavy drink-
   ers and NRA
   members often
   have the proper
   temperament.


3. Criminal
   History Back-
   ground checks
   are critical,
   sure, but don’t
   shy away from
   a candidate
   with a rap
   sheet. I won’t
   even interview
   a prospective
   hire if he
   doesn’t have at
   least one road-
   rage conviction.


4. Fashion
   Sense My
   current course
   marshal
   showed up for
   his first day
   in fatigues—
   but he’s an
   overachiever.
   If a candidate
   interviews in a
   POW-MIA hat
   and Members
   Only jacket,
   you’ve found
   your man.

A

1. Pedigree
   A divorced
   retiree is a must,
   but be sure to
   look closely at
   his employment
   history. I’ve
   found that dis-
   gruntled union
   workers—guys

CPG’s Four Things to

Look for When

Vetting Golf-Course

Marshal Candidates

On TV, the AT&T Pro-Am regular never

phones it in. On the course? Dialed in, too.

Ray Romano

ALL TALK Comedian Ray Romano remembers the precise date he first appeared

on The Tonight Show starring Johnny

Carson. He says it’s still his greatest

accomplishment—until he breaks 80.

Bucket-list course you haven’t played?

Man, that’s tough. I’ve played a lot

of good golf courses, but not the one

with the island par 3: TPC Sawgrass.

Favorite course you play every year?

Oh, Pebble Beach, for sure. To be

able to come to the prettiest place in

golf every February is really special.

What’s the greatest accomplish-

ment in your comedy career?

I’d have to say being on the Carson

show. November 15, 1991. As a come-

dian, that was the mountaintop.

Greatest accomplishment on

the course?

I’ve shot 80 on three occasions but

never broken it. I’m a 14-handicap

who counts every stroke. When

I break 80, that will be my greatest

accomplishment. But for now, well,

I got to play Augusta National. That

was like a dream come true.

When did you play Augusta?

I got to play it five years in a row,

when Everybody Loves Raymond was

on the air and CBS was allowed to

have a foursome on Monday after

the Masters. My goal was to break

100, and I never did. I six-putted a

green; that par 3 with the craziness.

The 12th?

Yeah. [Sighs]

Which pro golfer are you most like?

[Laughs] None of them!

What’s the strangest thing you’ve

seen on a golf course?

My buddy killed a seagull with his

drive. That was pretty crazy, but it

wasn’t the happiest thing I’ve ever seen.

Your favorite city in the U.S.?

Manhattan. Enough said. Why? I was

born and raised in Queens. Manhat-

tan is where I started my stand-up

career. Come on—it’s the hub of the

world. And it’s got pizza! —Evin Priest

33

Club Pro Guy

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