How To Be An Agnostic
presented as a private, inner journey, one primarily conducted in
silence not in debate. You may well meet to meditate alongside
others for support, but the core activity is internal. It’s about you
yourself. And I came to feel that this raises problems. In fact, as
I continued with mindfulness, I came to feel that this solipsistic
quality might be a major issue in its technique when it bumps
up against powerful notions of autonomous individuality.
The thought became unavoidable for me when I went on a
longer retreat. It was, in many ways, a positive experience. I’d
recommend it. The meditation centre I attended is serious about
addressing the spiritual problem of modern man. Silence is the
watchword of the house. Visitors are pretty sternly requested
to respect it. Even reading was banned, as it would disturb the
inner stillness that the outer observance is designed to engen-
der. It would spoil the quality of the silence that together we
were pursuing.
You go to meditate, and not a lot else. Apart from mealtimes
and an hour doing household chores, the day is devoted to it:
three quarters of an hour sitting in the meditation hall, fol-
lowed by three quarters of an hour doing walking meditation in
the garden – the same activity of concentration conducted while
walking very slowly and focusing on the sensations in your feet.
Then back to sitting meditation. Then more walking. It adds up.
The mind repeatedly and routinely wanders, of course. But you’re
not asked to attempt to control it. Rather, you are to become aware
of the fact, and then draw your attention back to the breathing or
the walking. Most of the meditation periods pass easily enough.
A handful are a struggle. One or two are a real joy. The retreat was
led by two teachers. They topped and tailed the sitting sessions
with a few helpful words, and were also on hand lest any partici-
pants become unsettled, an important safeguard when embarking
on prolonged silence. My time in the place was good. However,
I came away with these nagging questions more clearly formed.
The raison d’être of the meditation we were nurturing was not
Socratic but was focused on the wellbeing of those who prac-
tise it. That seems like a pretty good raison d’être, and it is to a