166 Biography of a YogiThe second meeting, however, proves to be somewhat less harmonious than
the first. Guru and disciple wrangle for over an hour regarding their mutual
obligations to one another. Finally, Yogananda agrees to wholeheartedly accept
Sri Yukteswar’s authority in every detail of his life— which at this time largely
involves his moving back to Calcutta and attending university— on the condition
that his master will promise to reveal God to him.
Yogananda’s descriptions of his time with Sri Yukteswar oscillate between ret-
rospective exaltations and more chronologically situated accounts that belie a cer-
tain skepticism. Praise of the guru’s appearance, wisdom, demeanor, and general
character is interspersed with tales of the time he pinched Sri Yukteswar’s nose
during a nocturnal samādhi for fear that the older man had gone into cardiac
arrest.
Yogananda’s first conflict with Sri Yukteswar emerges six months into the
discipleship, when the former requests to depart for the Himalayas, hoping
“in unbroken solitude to achieve continuous divine communion.”^29 When Sri
Yukteswar calmly intimates that there are plenty of unenlightened “hill men” liv-
ing in the Himalayas and that a geological formation is a poor substitute for a
“man of realization” where wisdom is concerned, Yogananda simply repeats his
query and, willfully misinterpreting his guru’s silence for consent, takes off the
following day. Like all of Yogananda’s attempted flights from home, the excursion
proves short- lived, arduous, and ultimately fruitless. He is quickly turned back by
the other disciple of Lahiri Mahasaya from whom he had hoped to receive guid-
ance and returns, humbled, to Sri Yukteswar.
To read Yogananda’s relationship with Sri Yukteswar is to glimpse his perpetu-
ally unfulfilled longing. The feeling of something lacking— of not enough— is
ever present in the subtext even as the narrative itself is delivered from the vantage
point of an attained state of realization. Yogananda describes his meeting with
Sri Yukteswar as a moment of cosmic consummation, yet six months later he is
ready to abandon the relationship for a solitary search in the Himalayas. Upon
his return, Sri Yukteswar bestows upon him a glimpse of cosmic consciousness by
inducing a state of samādhi, yet a few months later Yogananda inquires when he
will finally find God, not believing his guru’s assertion that his search is already
complete. On this point, Sri Yukteswar appears to offer a mild chastisement:
I am sure you aren’t expecting a venerable Personage, adorning a throne in
some antiseptic corner of the cosmos! I see, however, that you are imagin-
ing that the possession of miraculous powers is knowledge of God. One
might have the whole universe, and find the Lord elusive still! Spiritual
advancement is not measured by one’s outward powers, but only by the
depth of his bliss in meditation.^30