It was one of those steamy nights when the sky is lousy with stars. I was culling
the blue M&M’s from the M&M’s stash in the office of the Sure-Lock Homes
Locksmith and Detective Agency. Suddenly, my cogitations were interrupted by
a cacophonous sound and a cataclysmic vibration that reverberated through my
office. I shouted words that have to be censored, then stepped with
circumspection into the hall and found a chaotic scene: a man lying contorted at
the bottom of the stairs. Blood was gushing through a wound in his side.
“Golly, are you okay?” I asked.
He replied caustically, “Sure, I’m just swell. And how was your day?”
“Peachy,” I said.
At that he bellowed, “You callous idiot! Can’t you see I’ve been shot? Get me
to a hospital!”
“You don’t have to be so captious. Let me cogitate!”
At that moment a lady walked into the office. She comported herself calmly
and without compunction. She pointed at the wounded man and said, “We were
in my apartment; he got up to answer the door, and suddenly I heard a
cacophonous sound and a cataclysmic vibration that must have reverberated in
your office.”
Just then my assistant, Watt, entered. He said, handing me the phone, “My
kid wants to know what sort of tree he should plant in our garden. What do you
think, Sure-Lock?”
“A lemon tree, my dear Watt’s son,” I said.
Then Watt became cognizant of the situation. He said, “What is that?”
“It’s a plant with little yellow fruit and . . .”
He interrupted me, “No, that body on the floor.”
“Oh golly, I forgot. We should get him to a hospital.”
We all lifted the body concurrently and put it in my car.
When we arrived at the hospital, the doctor informed us that the man was
dead.
“Golly, that’s too bad,” I said with contrition.
It was time for me to get to the bottom of this crime. Convoking the small
crowd, I asked the dame, “Who was that man?”
“My husband,” she replied, crestfallen.
“Aha! Well, let’s get to the crux of this situation. Did you kill your husband?”
“How dare you censure me like that. What a crazy conjecture!”
I repeated, “Did you kill him?”
tuis.
(Tuis.)
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