soon restored, and students once again were able to pick freely from the Tree of
College.
Since these SAT warriors published their manifesto, the Evil Testing Serpent
has undergone two devious transformations in order to rule the high school
world once more.
One night, as it lay stewing in its miserable cave in midtown Manhattan, an
idea formed in its so-called mind. Why not make the test harder? Maybe add
some statistics and obscure scatterplot graphs! Add some reading passages from
1783! Add a 50-minute Essay, but make it optional so that kids either feel the
misery of taking it, or the misery of guilt for not taking it! The Evil Testing
Serpent quivered with delight! But not to worry. With the help of a new guest
editor, the gallant fighters vowed to fight the Serpent, no matter what form it
took. Once again. So they stealthily searched for its cave, found its secrets, and
revised the document. It is that document you now hold in your sweaty,
trembling hands.
Here, the cruel tricks of the Serpent will be revealed and you will be shown
how to use your understanding of its methods to your own advantage.
Throughout this book, the Serpent will make loathsome appearances and will
secrete foul venom all over the pages to protest our revelations of its weaknesses
and its trickeries. Fear not. Soon you will be able to recognize the Serpent’s
infamous tricks and you will live forever free of the fear of the Slimy and
Atrocious Torture.
tuis.
(Tuis.)
#1