Your Family - April 2017

APRIL 2017 91

RELATIONSHIPS

FEATURE: CANDICE CURTIS PHOTO: FOTOLIA.COM

WHAT IS CAREGIVER BURNOUT?

Caregiver burnout is characterised by physical,

emotional, and mental exhaustion as a result of

trying to do more than you’re able, not asking for

extra help when you need it, and feeling guilty for

spending time on yourself instead of on your ill or

ageing loved one. Caregiver burnout can also result

in a change in your attitude from being positive and

caring to being negative and unconcerned.

We’ve already mentioned the importance of recognising yourself

as a unique and separate entity within the lives of your significant

others, and establishing your identity as more than just a function.

But how does this actually apply to your relationships?

THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARTNER OR SPOUSE

‘When it comes to romantic and spousal relationships, it’s

especially important to maintain an identity of your own and enjoy

a space just for you from time to time,’ says Liane. ‘Not doing so

can cause you to feel resentment towards your partner.

‘Some of our most basic needs within relationships are to be

affirmed, loved, and wanted, and more often than not, we fear

rejection. Unfortunately, because of this, many people enter into

new relationships and somehow try to mould themselves into a

version of what they think their partner wants them to be, whether

that is in fact what their partner wants, or not. In other cases,

they allow themselves to be shaped and changed by potentially

controlling partners out of a fear of being abandoned or rejected.

‘Maintaining your own identity and sense of self within a

relationship is of critical importance. If you lose yourself and your

unique identity during the course of your relationship, and the

relationship then comes to an end, you may find that you have

no idea who you really are as a person without your partner

influencing your decisions and preferences. It’s so important

to have a strong sense of who you are as an individual so that

you enter into relationships as a “whole” person, and not just

as the proverbial “other half”. It’s wonderful if you can learn to

share some of your partner’s interests and enjoy new activities

together, but it’s just as important to maintain the activities and

friendships that were part of your life before you and your partner

became involved.’

Visit us online

for 7 tips on

maintaining your

unique identity.

THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILDREN

‘As a parent, it’s only natural for you to find great pleasure in

watching your children thrive and spending plenty of time with

them while they experience the world, but keep in mind that they

also go through the journey of finding their own identities.

‘When your children grow into adolescence and young

adulthood they may act out or distance themselves from you to

a certain extent while they’re trying to figure themselves out, and

that’s quite normal. It’s also important to remember that as your

children grow up, they’ll enjoy their independence more and may

rely on you less, which is only natural.

‘Some parents really struggle with “empty nest syndrome”

when their children have grown up and gone off into the world

on their own. At that point, parents may find it difficult to identify

with who they are outside of being a parent 24/7. That’s why

it’s so important for you to create a new sense of purpose for

yourself while your children are still relatively young. This goes

a long way in reminding you that you’ll always be their parent

no matter how old they are, but that it’s not your only role. It

also allows you to take time out just for yourself, even if it’s just

20 minutes a day, and that’s a gift.’

Why should you maintain your identity?

YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENTS

‘As your parents age, you may find that while you rely on them

less or barely at all, they can become quite reliant on you, to the

point where you may identify more with your role as a caregiver

to your parent(s) than you do with your role as their child.

‘While this is a special role that gives you a great chance

to give back to your parents in an important and honourable

way, you need to be mindful of the effects this role can have on

you. Caregiver burnout is very common and, unfortunately, too

many children who care for their ageing parents feel too guilty

to ask for additional help when they really need it.

‘Watching your parent(s) age or suffer through illness will

naturally bring up very painful feelings for you, so it’s important

to maintain a separate support system during this stage.

Surrounding yourself with friends and loved ones who care

for you, and who can give you the attention you may not be

giving to yourself during this difficult time, will go a long way

in helping you through it.’