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Dru third page.indd 1 28/03/2017 18:25C
onfidence: you either have it
or you don’t, right? Wrong. The
idea that confidence is a fixed
personality trait, dividing those
that take on the world from
those of us who wrestle with self-doubting
demons, is a myth. In reality, confidence
comes in all shapes and sizes. Confidence
in our bodies, our sexuality, our skills at
work, our ability to trust in relationships. We
have varied levels of confidence in different
situations and our levels of confidence can
change over the course of our lives.
But what causes these fluctuations?
We know our thoughts and beliefs about
ourselves are very powerful. They can
propel us to action or paralyse us with
doubt. We are most vulnerable when asked
to put ourselves forward, so having the
confidence to do so means we have to
trust our ability to act. We can’t afford
to be diverted by an inner judgmental or
critical voice that demands perfection
and deems us ‘not good enough’ when we
fall short. Too often, this inner voice that
believes we are not really good enough
and will be ‘found out’ has roots in early
childhood experiences. But, as if that was
not bad enough, we often continue to give
weight to this critic by using any current
day setback or disappointment as evidence
and confirmation that this voice is ‘right’. A
phone call to a prospective employer that
doesn’t go well becomes proof that ‘no one
will employ us’.Neuroscience developments
Developments in neuroscience now show us
that this critical thinking doesn’t only make
us feel bad, it actually changes our brains.
In fact, it is not only our thinking.
The principle of experience dependent
plasticity means that all our experiences,
our lifestyles, the food we eat, the quality
of our sleep, even the way we move, all
influence our brain chemistry via our
neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters are
the chemicals that pass messages across
the synapses between neurons. As these
messages pass from one neuron to another,
neural pathways are strengthened or
weakened. For example, studies have shown
that taxi drivers who learn ‘the knowledge’
have more developed hippocampi, the area
associated with mapping skills. Hence, the
often-used expression: ‘Neurons that fire
together, wire together’.Neurotransmitters
The brain has three main neurotransmitterswhich help us act confidently: Serotonin,
which calms the nerves and helps us to
think clearly; Oxytocin, the love hormone
which promotes our sense of being
connected and open to others; and
Dopamine, which encourages us to explore
and take risks. If we are calm, and feel open
and receptive to others and have drive
and energy to take a risk, we will be in a
confident state, ready to trust our ability
to act.
Knowing this, we can now change the
picture and provide our brains with different
experiences. These experiences can
weaken the neural pathways that lead to
anxious and critical states and strengthen
the neural pathways that lead to more
confident and compassionate states.
So, what are these confident-enhancing
practices? Meditation and mindfulness
soothe the nervous system and increase
our Serotonin. Many psychological
techniques, such as Cognitive Behavioural
Therapy (CBT) and other trauma-based
therapies, focus on silencing our inner
critics. Other very simple changes to our
lifestyle can also have a profound impact,
such as reducing stimulating foods like
caffeine or changing our posture.
So the next time you feel your
confidence waning, try practicing some
of the following techniques and start to
rewire your brain.Confidence boosting
techniques
n Look out for your inner critic and
practice talking to yourself like you’re
your best friend instead.
n Pick one daily activity such as brushing
your teeth and do this mindfully. Stay
present with the experience, paying
close attention to the smells, textures,
sounds and sensations.
n Keep a gratitude diary, writing down
three things each day for which you
are grateful.
n Make one change to your diet, cutting
out sugar or reducing caffeine.
n Practice sitting up and smiling before
making an important phone call and
notice the change in how you feel.
n Increase your physical activity, join a
yoga class, take regular walks.Deborah Golend is a clinical psychologist
and runs workshops in London for women
designed to boost self-confidence, called
‘MeUnlimited’. For information visit:
meunlimited.org