Golf World UK - August 2017

T

hink Anthony Hopkins as

Hannibal Lecter. Or Jack

“Here’s Johnny” Nicholson

sticking his head through that

door inThe Shiningg.OrJanetLeightaking

herlastshowerinPsycho.Therecentsix-

holeplay-offbetweenChristieKerrand

HaruNomuraattheVolunteersof

America Texas Shootout was similarly

compulsive viewing, if only because it

wassohorrifyinginsomanyways.

Whileitwaseasytofocusontheall-

buttwohoursittooktoidentify

Nomuraasthewinner–especially

Kerr’s pathetic and not-far short of

despicable attempts to “slow play” her

youngeropponent–themost

depressing aspect of this sad and all-

butinterminabledisplaywasthe

point-missing design of the 18th hole

attheLasColinasCountryClub.This

518-yardpar5isanoh-my-God

catalogue of amazing architecture.

Okay,itwasaweebitwindyonthe

finaldayofthis$1.3mevent.So

nothing was coming easy for the

competitors. But really, what chance

didtheyhavetryingtohitafairway

that sloped so severely from left-to-

right?Almosteverytee-shotfinished

up in the right rough, no matter how

farlefteachballlanded.Nowonder

oneexasperatedcommentatorwas

movedtocommentthatmuchtime

couldbesavediftheplayerssimply

startedtheholebydroppingaballin

that very spot.

Allofwhichwasbadenough,but

such fairway-finding futility

representedonlythebeginningofwhat

descended quickly into near-farce. I

actuallystartedtolaughwhenwewere

firstshownwhattheplayerswerefaced

with for their second shots. There was

alargelakeuptherightsidealmostall

thewaytothegreen–fairenough.But

betweentheballsandtheedgeofsaid

lakewasagroupoftrees.Inother

words, any attempted approach had

“double jeopardy” to deal with, the

architect–remarkably,someonecalled

Joe Finger – having decided that the

water(ahazardremember)required

some form of “protection.”

Evenbetter–orworse,dependingon

yourpointofview–wasthepresence

ofonelonetreerightattheendofthe

fairwayonthefarright.Whyitwas

plantedisoneofgolf’sgreatmysteries,

uptherewithJimFuryk’sswingora

Dustin Johnson press conference. But

givenFinger’spreviousphilosophy,one

hastothinkitistherejusttomake

sureanyonebraveenoughtohitaball

down there close to the water is

suitably punished for their audacity

and skill. I mean really.

Thesheerstupidityofthis

Pythonesque nonsense requires almost

no further explanation. While course

architecture should always be an art

form rather than a science governed by

strict rules, certain principles apply.

Andoneofthoseisthattreesshould

merelybepartofthescenery,neverthe

stage. What Mister (butter) Finger – a

man described as “legendary” on the

club’s official website – was thinking

one can only imagine. If he was

thinking at all.

Still, Finger was hardly alone in his

incompetence. The person responsible

John follows the PGA and European Tours

and has written forGolf Worldfor more than

26 years, as well as authoring seven books.

The farcical end to the Volunteers of America Texas

Shootout left me hoping someone would shoot me.

John Huggan

‘The endlessly repetitive play-off was watchable only

to ascertain how unwatchable it could become’

for the course set-up should not be

allowed to escape blame for this (mis)

adventure into anarchy. The close-to-

inaccessible front-of-green pin position

only prolonged the agony for those

misguided viewers daft enough to hang

in there for all six holes.

All in all then, this whole sorry affair

did the all-round credibility of the

LPGA Tour no good at all. Kerr’s

behaviour and lack of sportswomanship

was a disgrace for which she should be

heavily fined. The endlessly repetitive

play-off was watchable only to ascertain

just how unwatchable it could possibly

become. And that 18th hole should

immediately be blown up and started

over. Then again, maybe not. One day

after the event, one exasperated

competitor texted your correspondent

to say, “If you thought 18 was bad, 14

and 15 are actually way worse.”

The mind boggles. It really does.

STRAIGHT

TALKING

30 Golf World August 2017