Kids in Crisis 85
commit too quickly, perhaps turning into “loose women” with lax
sexual standards. Others clam up and cannot commit at all.
Different Ages = Different Impacts
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
—Erma Bombeck
A child’s initial response to a parent’s divorce will hinge largely
upon such factors as the child’s age, gender, and general stage of
development at the time the divorce occurs.
Infants and Toddlers
In general my children refused to eat anything they hadn’t seen on TV.
—Erma Bombeck
Infants, toddlers, and preschoolers tend to be extremely depen-
dent upon their parents for their actual daily physical care, main-
tenance, and feeding. Not surprisingly, this group feels the most
threatened and fearful of total abandonment when their par-
ents first separate. They may cry when left alone, have difficulty
sleeping through the night, become inexplicably irritable or even
physically aggressive. They are quite literally terrified. Every
effort needs to be made at this stage to reassure children that
their physical and personal safety and care will remain intact. It
is paramount that kids at this stage be reassured concerning their
own physical security... knowing where they will live, who will
feed, clothe and care for them, etc.
Abandonment angst. For very young children, the biggest fear is
one of total abandonment. They have watched one parent leave,
and it is an entirely logical and legitimate concern to their way of
thinking that if one parent can leave, then why not the other?
These younger kids are fearful of being deserted by both par-
ents (i.e., of being physically left or abandoned). They may cry
inexplicably and become truly terrified when left alone for even
the briefest periods. Once they are over this initial hump, how-
ever, most of these kids come to realize that they will continue to
be fed, housed, and cared for after all. In fact, these younger kids