Into the Courtroom 101
as a million-dollar disparity in property valuations, or something
as simple as who gets the family dog or the china, but if it pre-
vents getting a signed agreement it will preclude an uncontested
divorce.
People acting petty. Divorcing couples can be incredibly petty in
bringing their areas of disagreement down to truly asinine levels.
And believe me, an intransigent spouse can wind up costing you
beaucoup bucks in divorce court. In my thirty years of divorce
lawyering, I have seen folks become so “pissed off” at one another
during divorce proceedings that they, somewhat understandably,
begin to suffer from a serious case of what we in Hawai‘i refer to
as ADD... Aloha Deficit Disorder.
I once had to actually go out to a divorcing couple’s house to
physically divide up their houseplants—all at more than $200
per hour. The simple bottom line is that unless both parties vol-
untarily sign off on the same agreement, then they do not have
an uncontested divorce. The roadblock can be over property, or
money, or it may be emotional (i.e., one party isn’t psychologi-
cally ready for the divorce or simply does not want to let go of
the other person). Whatever the reason, either party’s refusal to
sign equals a contested divorce. This is true even in cases where
there aren’t any kids or assets to fight over.
Logjam = contest. If this logjam situation occurs, you are then
off and running on the contested divorce track. Contested cases
can take years and literally thousands of dollars in attorneys’ fees
to complete, and often turn into an absolute stomach churner
for everyone involved. I suspect that everybody in America has
had some experience with this sort of divorce, whether through
watching The War of the Roses or Kramer vs. Kramer, or having
served as an emotional life-support system for Aunt Mitzie or a
sounding board for Uncle Ken during their divorces. These kinds
of cases are absolutely grueling for all concerned.
So if you find yourself or your friends getting divorced, remem-
ber that the key is to try to get an agreement to keep it on the
uncontested track if you possibly can. Unfortunately, spouses are
rarely in total agreement about very much during the time period
surrounding their divorce—if they were, they probably wouldn’t
be getting divorced in the first place.