108 DIVorCe wItH DeCenCY
Mediation is essentially a process in which the spouses them-
selves settle the issues in their own divorce, acting with the help
of a trained mediator. Any and all issues involved in a divorce
case can be the subject of mediation. Even if the process doesn’t
successfully resolve all issues, at least partial agreements can be
reached that help narrow the issues.
Mediation works best when both spouses have accepted and
agreed that the divorce itself should occur (even if they don’t yet
concur on its terms). Likewise, both parties should have a handle
on their overall financial situation and be fully informed of each
other’s assets and debts, since mediation relies on full disclosure
and is not an investigative or discovery tool. Lastly, both parties
must still be able to communicate openly and should be on a rela-
tively equal footing with one another in order to take full advan-
tage of the give-and-take flexibility that is inherent in mediation.
The benefits of mediation. When couples participate in divorce
mediation, they:
• Maintain control over their own decision-making process.
Any agreement reached in mediation is negotiated and agreed
to by the couple themselves and is not imposed by a judge
or any outside authority.
• Learn improved communication skills, including the ability
to negotiate further disagreements amicably.
• Minimize the harmful effects of divorce on children. When
the parents themselves select custody and visitation arrange-
ments, it is easier to keep children out of the middle of
conflicts.
• Generally save both time and money. Legal and counseling
fees and court costs are minimized by avoiding protracted
legal battles.
• Decrease the anxiety, pressure, stress, and anger placed on
all involved parties.
• Emphasize a win/win rather than win/lose approach to con-
flict resolution.Mediation minefields. There are some situations in which media-
tion is not recommended. If there is a substantial power imbal-