Into the Courtroom 109
ance between spouses (where one is a totally dominant control
freak, for example, and the other is characteristically submis-
sive), then the playing field will probably not be level enough for
mediation to be workable. Likewise, if one side (often the hus-
band) knows absolutely everything about the parties’ assets and
finances, while the other knows virtually nothing, then mediation
is probably not appropriate.
If the parties are still so angry at one another that arguments
and profanity rather than intelligent (or at least cordial) conversa-
tion ensues whenever they try to talk, then mediation probably
isn’t the answer. Finally, if spouse abuse or domestic violence has
been a factor in the relationship, then mediation is generally not
appropriate.
My pro-mediation sermon. I myself have been a trained mediator
for well over twenty years. I have personally mediated literally
hundreds of divorce cases during that period. In my opinion, a
conscientious and responsible divorce lawyer should make exten-
sive use of mediation and other Alternative Dispute Resolution
techniques. In fact, my personal view is that it is almost uncon-
scionable for any attorney to fail to advise their clients that they
have a right to try mediation. Ultimately, it is up to you as the
client to make sure your lawyer takes a responsible approach to
the handling of your divorce case. There are several new and
more user-friendly resources available in the legal marketplace
nowadays. It’s up to the consumer of legal services to demand
that they be used.
One final concluding note for this chapter: I am certainly not
naive enough to think that every case can be settled. There will
always be some cases in which the parties are so intractable, or
the issues so complex, that they simply have to go to trial. That is
probably when you really do need the big-gun trial lawyer.
It is by no means my intent to oversimplify this process by sug-
gesting mediated or even uncontested results in every case. But
I honestly feel that these approaches are not tried often enough,
nor early enough, in most cases. The bottom line is that you as
the client have to make sure that you explore all the options when
you go through a divorce case. Then find the one that works best
for you.