142 DIVorCe wItH DeCenCY
unlike child support, there are no uniform or nationwide stan-
dards with regard to spousal support. Instead, it often depends
on individual jurisdictions and individual judges. Small wonder
that, as I said in beginning this section, alimony is such a sensi-
tive, slippery, and resentment-prone issue.
Custody
There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of chil-
dren but there could be no doubt that parents are the worst.
—George Bernard Shaw
Reaching an intelligent resolution of child-custody issues is prob-
ably the single most emotionally intense aspect of divorce cases.
Ideally, both parents will be able to work out custody arrange-
ments amicably—since no aspect of divorce law is worse than a
nasty custody battle and the emotional toll it inevitably takes on
the children.
Divorcing spouses can decide with whom the children will live.
There are two basic forms of custody—legal and physical. Each of
these can in turn be broken down into sole or joint custody. Not
surprisingly, if the parties can’t reach their own agreement on this
issue, the court will enter an order awarding custody.
Custody choices. Physical custody refers to where the child will
physically reside—which parent the child will actually live with.
Legal custody refers to the decision-making process as to exactly
how the child is to be reared. This includes decisions on educa-
tional, medical, religious, and other major issues in the child’s life,
but not day-to-day or routine parental decisions.
The parent who does not have sole physical custody usually
has “reasonable” visitation rights. In other words, he or she can
see the children during certain scheduled times (often alternat-
ing weekends). If the parents cannot agree, the court will set up
a visitation schedule.
Sole Custody
The most socially subversive institution of our time is the one-parent family.
—Paul Johnson