182 DIVorCe wItH DeCenCY
So, once you are sure that you want a divorce, it is generally smart
to move ahead fairly rapidly on the legal aspects of finalizing one.
Don’t just leave things in limbo after you have separated physically,
even though you may feel temporarily relieved to just be rid of the
Bozo. Keep track of your spouse’s whereabouts. The greater the dis-
tance, in time and place, the more likely the separated couple will lose
contact. Then a divorce may still be available, but often at a dramati-
cally higher cost.
— Contributed by P. Gregory Frey, Managing Attorney,
Coates & FreyDrugs, Dishonesty, and Divorce
At first glance, Terri appeared to be a solid, respectable woman.
It had been several years since I had last seen her, and in that
time she had matured to be an extremely attractive and successful
working mother and wife. When we first knew one another, she
had been working with me in another law office. She was a young
secretary, and I was a struggling college student busily learning
the law ropes. Now she had come to my new office wanting help
with her divorce. “It will be messy,” she told me nervously.
“I’m afraid my husband will seek custody of the children,”
Terri said. I pushed her for reasons, or at least theories. “I have no
idea,” she cried. She went on to deny any problems or skeletons
in her closet. I pushed again. She stood firm. Yet, for some reason,
I wondered if Terri was being honest with me, or perhaps more
important, with herself.
“You can lie to your spouse, your employer, even your hair-
dresser,” I told her (as I do all my clients) when preparing for a
child-custody battle, “but don’t ever lie to your lawyer.” I went
on to explain that so long as I knew the full story, I could always
help. At the very least, I could try to minimize the potential pit-
falls, run interference, handle damage control, etc., provided
the client is honest with me. I explained that I couldn’t do this,
however, if she lied. In that case, I’d be blind-sided at trial. But
once again, Terri assured me that nothing was amiss. “I’m a great
mom,” she repeated.
We commenced the hearing on the issue of temporary custody.
Terri’s husband alleged drug use. He said that Terri “was always