204 DIVorCe wItH DeCenCY
but of allowing adults to develop and change in gratifying ways
in the aftermath of divorce.”
Prime times for divorce and remarriage. The average age ranges
for divorce are the early to mid-thirties. The precise median ages
are thirty-five for divorcing husbands and thirty-three for divorc-
ing wives.
In general, the “prime time” for divorce to occur extends from
about age thirty to fifty-five. Not coincidentally, these years con-
stitute perhaps the most exciting and dynamic periods of most
people’s lives. For many folks in this age group, getting divorced
is part of the midlife passage. As Ms. Tafford says, “In many ways
divorce is the cultural phenomenon of middle age. With luck and
perseverance you can bring to this revolution in your personal
life a tremendous amount of energy and talent.”
Approximately forty years ago, the median time for those
who remarried to do so was somewhere between three to five
years after divorce. In those days there was also a period of about
two years between initial separation and divorce. Nowadays, of
course, everything gets compacted down into ever-shorter time
frames. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, approximately 16
percent of all men and women who remarry after divorce do so
within the first year.
Remarriage rates. Nearly half of all American weddings nowa-
days consist of remarriages for one or even both partners. There
is no question, however, that rates of remarriage decline with
age. Statistically speaking, rates of remarriage tend to be higher
for those who have recently divorced and for those who initially
married at a younger age. Amazingly enough, an astounding 16
percent of the U.S. population has been married three times.
Interestingly enough, remarriage rates are higher for whites
than for other ethnic groups. Remarriage rates are also higher for
those who have fewer than two children than for those who have
more than two. While on the subject of statistics, let me close this
section with one last rather disheartening one that I read recently
(although God only knows how they quantified/verified this
one): only about 12 percent of all divorces go on to see both parties
recover from divorce in happy second marriages.