210 DIVorCe wItH DeCenCY
− May not be eligible to continue receiving pension or social
security benefits of your previous deceased spouse.If You Live Together, You...+ Can skirt the legal entanglements of divorce (say sayo-
nara to those damn divorce lawyers). (Caveat: be careful of
common-law marriage states.)
+ Will continue receiving pension and social security benefits
of any deceased previous spouse.
+ Will continue receiving any pending alimony payments
stemming from a prior divorce settlement.
− May not be eligible for spousal employee benefits.
− Will not be automatically named guardian of your partner’s
child(ren) if your partner should die.
− Do not have automatic visitation rights to see your partner
in intensive or critical care units of hospitals.
− Will have to pay estate taxes if the estate you inherit from
your deceased partner is worth more than the maximum
estate tax free inheritance threshold.Stepfamilies
Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
—Martin Mull
Perhaps the most difficult familial relationship of all to success-
fully establish is that between stepparent and child. No matter
how hard stepparents try, the simple reality is that kids continue
to long for their original nuclear family. They simply do not feel
as much an integral part of the “remarried” family. Instead, they
almost inevitably tend to feel displaced or estranged from even
the most enthusiastic stepparents.
Older boys, particularly those who remain in fairly close contact
with their natural fathers, often find it very difficult to develop
a truly close attachment with their stepfathers. More often than
not, there is at least some level of ongoing friction with children
whose mothers remarry. They rarely manage to feel truly wel-
come in the new family.