Some Basic Background 19
Women Can’t Read Maps” by Drs. Barbara and Allan Pease. The
Peases’ book delves even more deeply into the scientific differ-
ences between men’s and women’s biochemical brain structures
including an analysis of neurological research on the human brain
and the evolutionary biology of each gender. It certainly helps if
each sex understands one another better.
I’ll discuss the Pease’s findings a little later, but first let me
discuss Dr. Gray’s theories. He feels, and I agree, that perhaps
the single biggest issue in blown marriages is lack of communica-
tion. Part of that issue, you’ve got to understand, is that women
communicate entirely differently than guys do. Men and wom-
en’s brains literally evolve differently, each focusing on different
thought patterns and processes. Women’s brains physiologically
have larger repositories devoted to the speech and communica-
tion functions than do men’s brains.
Guys communicate for a specific purpose, to solve a specific
problem in an objective way, kind of a straight line “get from
point A to point B” approach. Women kind of like the very process
of communication itself. Women have an ability to encompass a
lot more material than guys. Women need to have just a sheer
quantity of time to talk things out, to talk around issues.
A guy’s response may be, “She’s off on a tangent and I don’t see
an instant solution anyway. So why the heck are we even talking
about this... she’s making more out of it than necessary.” But
sometimes a woman just has to be allowed to make as much out
of it as she needs to. Her first need is for it to just be okay to be
upset for awhile. She wants him to listen to her feelings without
trying to “fix” her.
Women have an ongoing need to be reassured within a rela-
tionship. Women want to hear “I love you and I understand.” A
man wants to hear “that makes sense,” indicating a linear thought
process. Women tend to be more easily overwhelmed when under
stress. A man’s reaction to stress is to be even more rigid in his
focus on going strictly from point A to point B. Men instinctively
look for solutions.
Women, in particular, sort of feel that a man just really ought
to instinctively know her needs. This is often especially true with