Some Basic Background 25
- Eighty percent of relationships are ended by women. Ninety
percent of affairs are initiated by men.
III. Different Communication Styles
- Women use a range of high- and low-pitched speaking sounds
including five different tones of voice. Men speak in a more mono-
tone voice using only three tones. 2) A woman can speak an aver-
age of 6,000 to 8,000 words a day. She uses an additional 2,000 to
3,000 vocal sounds to communicate, as well as 8,000 to 10,000 ges-
tures, facial expressions, head movements, and other body lan-
guage signals. This gives her a daily average of more than 20,000
communication “words” to relate her message. A man utters just
2,000 to 4,000 words, and 1,000 to 2,000 vocal sounds, and makes
a mere 2,000 to 3,000 body language signals. His daily average
adds up to around 7,000 communication “words”—just over a
third the output of a woman. (Author’s Note: I should point out
that a more recent study by a University of Arizona researcher
named Matthias Mehl attempted to re-address this “chat gap”
between the genders. Mr. Mehl strongly disputes the findings by
the Peases and other experts and instead contends that both men
and women communicate an equal number of 16,000 “words” per
day. The major difference according to Mr. Mehl is not the actual
number of words spoken, but rather the dichotomy between
men’s style of “report-talk” vs. women’s “rapport-talk.” So, I
will leave it to my readers to decide who they think talks more.
Meanwhile, here is something additional—and perhaps more
novel—to ponder: Is anybody out there studying how well we
listen?) 3) Seventy-four percent of working women and 98 per-
cent of non-working women identify the biggest failing of their
husbands and boyfriends as a reluctance to talk, particularly at
the end of the day. If men want to get along better with women,
then they need to talk more. They also need to listen more empa-
thetically. In a typical male-female conversation, 76 percent of
interruptions are made by men. 4) Women talk more in generali-
ties, talk “around” issues. Men’s sentences are short, direct, more
structured, solution oriented and to the point. They draw on a
broader, more specific vocabulary and pepper their statements
with facts. They use quantifiers such as “none, never, absolutely.”