The Dynamics of Divorce 41
Is society’s glue dissolving? What is it about the modern-day
American lifestyle that leaves so many feeling so strongly that
divorce can represent a potentially positive element of contem-
porary living? As noted earlier, some of the most commonly cited
reasons for divorce include drug or alcohol problems, infidelity,
transience, and emotional problems. The argument can certainly
be made that modern conditions have become particularly ripe
for these types of problems... especially in the promiscuous,
abusive, and morally ambiguous climate that has emerged in
America during the last few decades.
The plethora of lifestyle options and interests that have
emerged in our modern “connected culture” over the last twenty
or so years have certainly contributed to the increasingly cloudy
concept of modern morality (or should I say amorality... or
even immorality?) along these lines. Experts estimate that at least
10 percent of all divorces in the United States are now in some
way connected to computers and the Internet. People google,
locate, and then re-contact long-lost loves. They get caught red-
handed with totally traceable records of illicit and/or adulter-
ous e-mails and/or cell phone calls. Not too surprisingly, wives
really resent it when they walk in on their husband while he is
surfing porn sites. And websites like marriedbutplaying.com and
married-but-flirting.com certainly aren’t geared toward helping
to maintain marriages.
Conversely, the major factors in keeping marriages together
(and which serve as societal barriers to divorce) include social
pressure, hanging in there “for the children,” strongly held reli-
gious beliefs, the severity of divorce laws, and mollifying parents
or extended family. But over the last few decades, of course, we
have witnessed the demise of many of these more rigidly conser-
vative religious and family structures... and certainly the no-
fault laws have made divorce easier.
People who ultimately decide to divorce often cite a basic
sense of malaise or unhappiness, a desire to get away from a bad
situation, improved alternatives for independent financial sup-
port, or becoming romantically involved with someone else as
their motive. Whatever the reasons, the institution of marriage
seems alarmingly fragile today. Even I, as a jaded old divorce