52 DIVorCe wItH DeCenCY
one right up to the edge of insanity. Divorce is an extremely dis-
orienting experience both logistically and financially. As several
of the other sections of this book clearly demonstrate, the couple
of years time frame surrounding divorce is a time characterized
by intense mood swings and seesawing emotions.
Common Phases of Divorce
Love has been described as a three-ring circus. First to come the engagement
ring, then the wedding ring, and after that the suffer ring.
—Bob Phillips
After twenty-five years of divorce practice, I am convinced that
Ms. Tafford got it about right when she described the divorce
process in Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce:
Most people go a little crazy. You are rarely prepared for the practical
or emotional turmoil that lies ahead. You swing between euphoria,
violent rage and depression. You may be promiscuous and drink too
much; you may withdraw from people and not answer the phone.
Health statistics tell that you are prone to getting sick and having
car accidents. Reports of triangle assaults and murders of estranged
spouses make regular newspaper headlines. In the dark hours of
loneliness, you think about suicide. At some point, almost everyone
coming out of a marriage mutters to what was once the other half:
“I could kill you.” This is crazy time. It starts when you separate
and usually lasts about two years. It’s a time when your emotions
take on a life of their own and you swing back and forth between
wild euphoria and violent anger, ambivalence and deep depression,
extreme timidity and rash actions. You are not yourself. Who are you?
At the time you don’t want to know. You might go on a sex binge....
Or you lie very still in bed, your muscles tense, your breathing shal-
low, your imaginings as dark and lonely as the night.Predictable Emotional Way Stations
I’ve heard marriage defined as the best method for getting acquainted.
—Haywood Broun
Many of my former clients would concur with the experts that
the initial period of depression and disorientation surrounding