54 DIVorCe wItH DeCenCY
marketplace. It’s not unlike watching a wholesale return to ado-
lescence. For many of these folks, the recently singled period is
characterized by fleeting and somewhat frantic sexual liaisons.
Fortunately, this behavior usually subsides within a year or two
following the separation.
For the majority of my clients, whatever period of post-divorce
promiscuity they may undergo is usually fairly short term and
often serves as a steppingstone to the return to more meaningful
relationships. On the plus side, engaging in a new sexual rela-
tionship can help to bring back one’s sense of self-confidence and
overcome lingering fears of intimacy. Some of my clients have
told me that their marriage made them feel powerless or inad-
equate, but that a subsequent love/sex relationship gave them
an opportunity to learn more about the opposite sex—and about
themselves.
When we ponder this issue of being in better touch with one’s
own sexuality, it is important to note that, biologically speaking,
whereas almost all other species basically engage in sex for procre-
ation only, humans may well be the only species (apparently with
the possible exception of those perpetually giddy dolphins) who
also have sex strictly for recreation. In fact, sexually speaking, we
humans are a pretty highly evolved bunch. For example, scien-
tists tell us that regular orgasms are essential for good health in
males (reducing, as I mentioned earlier, the risk of prostate cancer
by up to 50 percent!), and that the female clitoris is a particularly
unique organ in that its only apparent function is for sexual plea-
sure. Studies have also shown that if couples remain sexual and
make love with a fair amount of frequency, they have fewer argu-
ments, better self-esteem and feel closer to each other. So for those
folks who were stifled sexually during their marriage, perhaps a
period of sexual awakening following their divorce is a positive
development.
Separation: The Beginning of the End?
The only solid and lasting peace between a man and his wife is, doubtless, a
separation.
—Lord Chesterfield