The Dynamics of Divorce 57
A far less upbeat assessment was made by Judith Wallerstein
in her book Second Chances. Dr. Wallerstein ran a series of follow-
up studies on the divorcing parties and their children at intervals
of ten, fifteen, and twenty years after the divorce had occurred.
Somewhat reluctantly, she came to the startling conclusion that
divorce did indeed continue to have a major, and oftentimes
very negative, carryover effect upon virtually everyone who was
touched by it. Furthermore, she found that this downbeat effect
continued for many years longer than anyone who had previ-
ously espoused the more upbeat, “divorce-can-be-good-for-you”
school of thought had been willing to admit.
The statistical data seems to be somewhat split between these
two schools of thought. Apparently, just over one-half of the
divorcing parties indicate that they are happier with their lives
after the divorce than they were during the marriage. However,
about one-third to one-quarter of divorced folks report back that
the sense of overall anger and depression that they felt as an out-
growth of the divorce is still consuming them years later. This
problem seems to be slightly worse for women than for men—
and worse still the older the party is.
Let’s face it, in the vast majority of all divorce cases, only one
party really emerges more happy and self-satisfied in the years
immediately following the divorce. The other is generally not
a happy camper, at least not initially. Only in a relatively small
number of the cases (perhaps only 10 or 15 percent) do both par-
ties manage to emerge from the divorce having pieced together
more satisfactory and fulfilling lives than they had before. This
tends to support Dr. Wallerstein’s findings that oftentimes the
emotional hit of a divorce is a lot harder on at least one of the par-
ties than had previously been believed.
The Uncoupling Process
The most difficult year of marriage is the one you’re in.
—Franklin P. Jones
There are a couple of different aspects involved in almost every
divorce. Initially there is an overwhelming desire to break free
from a marriage that has developed in at least one person’s mind