60 DIVorCe wItH DeCenCY
psychological period surrounding their breakup. The anxiety and
trauma of litigation inevitably increase the anger level.
I wish I had a dollar for every client who has come up to me
at the end of his or her divorce and said: “I thought things were
just about as bad as they could get with my spouse when we first
separated. Little did I know how much I would really hate him/
her after that we have dragged each other through months/years
of this divorce court mess.” I could have retired years ago.
The Women
Bride, a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
—Ambrose Bierce
Since about two-thirds of the time it is the woman who initi-
ates the divorce, many a shrewd divorce lawyer will deliber-
ately solicit female clients, knowing full well that they will be
the ones most likely to need an attorney to get the ball rolling.
Many men are apparently surprisingly happy to limp along in
a bad (but at least stable) relationship. So long as a guy has his
La-Z-Boy lounger, his remote control, perhaps an occasional mis-
tress, and is getting fed three square meals a day, he is basically
content. Perhaps guys just have different (lower?) standards as to
just how “good” a marriage is really expected to be. Women on
the other hand seem to instinctively and definitively know when
their needs (the primary one being communication) are simply not
being met. It is thus not surprising that the ladies are the ones
most likely to finally act upon that instinct by initiating the actual
filing for divorce.
Ironically, however, when it is the man who initiates the divorce,
the wife is often more willing to go along and simply cooperate
in allowing the divorce to happen. Perhaps this is because a wife
in these kinds of marriages may already be conditioned to being
somewhat more submissive. Conversely, when it is the woman
who files for divorce, she more frequently faces very strenuous
opposition to/through the entire divorce process from her hus-
band, who still cannot resist trying to dominate the situation.