66 DIVorCe wItH DeCenCY
mother and her kids may grow to be even closer following the
divorce than it was in the original intact family.
The Men
Husbands never become good, they merely become proficient.
—H. L. Mencken
As we have seen, men don’t generally initiate more than about
one-third of all divorce cases. Men seem instinctively less inclined
to rock the boat. They may screw up, screw around, or whatever,
but they tend to try and keep their marital structure intact along
the way. It is no coincidence, therefore, that when it is the man
who initiates the divorce, his “raison de divorce” often has to do
with his already having another woman waiting in the wings. In
fact, this particular other woman will usually already have been
prequalified as a serious subsequent relationship, i.e., the next
wife. If she were anything less, the guy would likely have just
stayed married and fooled around.
Older Men
Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have
chosen a suit by it.
—Charles Bukowski
For successful older men, or for those who are the initiators of
the divorce action, divorce often seems to be easily handled and
even welcome. This may stem from the fact that power (whether
measured in dollars or brawn) is an aphrodisiac in all societies.
According to evolutionary psychologists, women instinctively
seek the protection, resources, and genes of successful men. Sub-
consciously at least, men seek success in order to attract women.
The cost of alimony was a running joke for comedian Johnny
Carson, who by age sixty-eight had married four times (each wife
being at least six years younger than her predecessor). Texas oil
baron J. Howard Marshall acquired new wives at thirty-year
intervals, marrying his first in 1931, his second in 1961, and ex-
Playboy playmate Anna Nicole Smith in 1995. Aristotle Onassis