Community and Accountability193We are all different. We have different motivations, inspi-
rations, and life situations. Find what works, and work it.
The Guilt- Grace Vortex and How to Avoid It
The greatest saboteur of group accountability is guilt— more
specifically the downward spiral of guilt and grace. I like to
call it the guilt- grace vortex.
It usually goes something like this: I have a legitimately
hard week and don’t do the things I said I would do. I come
to the accountability group meeting feeling guilty and confess-
ing my shortcoming. Then someone else tells their story about
how they didn’t do what they had planned either. It’s hard
to keep other people accountable to things we haven’t done
ourselves, so it’s our tendency to then just give one another
“grace.” The problem is that we often fall short of our plans,
especially as we trial- and- error our way through building a
morning routine.
All too often, the group slowly stops keeping one another
accountable. I’ve done this more times than I can count. If we
truly want what is best for someone else, we can’t just let them
down when they’ve asked us to hold them up. So I was thrilled
when life coach Carey Bailey taught me a better way than the
guilt- grace vortex.
Ask questions. Instead of just holding people to a rigid goal
that they are struggling to meet, spend time talking through
the obstacles and challenges they are facing. Brainstorm ways
around those obstacles, or help them ratchet down their expec-
tations and slow down their progress to a speed that allows
them to thrive rather than just survive. Rather than simply say-
ing, “Oh well, we didn’t get it all done this week. Bummer,” we