to the family will drastically improve effectiveness and bring needed
spiritual renewal.
Mandate One: A Family Reformation Must Start in Your Home and Mine
In our ministry at FamilyLife we often spend time interviewing pas-
tors. As we have probed to learn their most compelling needs related
to family ministry, one issue has risen above all others: “My marriage
and family.”
I now am convinced that the number one reason many pastors do
not preach more on the marriage covenant, come down hard on
divorce, encourage prayer with spouse or children, or advocate fam-
ily altars and devotions is that they see their own wives in the second
pew and they know that such things are not happening in their own
homes. So the topics are avoided, or are touched on only lightly. And
the other families in the church then suffer and continue their slow
slide.
Psalm 101 presents some guidelines for those of us who want to
be effective leaders in ministry: “I will walk within my house in the
integrity of my heart” (v. 2). Later the same Psalm advises, “He who
walks in a blameless way is the one who will minister to me” (v. 6). In
other words, if we want change in the families of those we lead, we
have to lead and shepherd our own families. We will never do this per-
fectly, of course, but we must seek to walk in integrity at home. And if
we make mistakes, we need to be quick to repent and ask forgiveness.
Is there anything you need to repent of on the home front?
Selfishness? Passivity? Arrogance? Anger? Disrespect for the needs of
your spouse? Ignoring your children? Anger at a child who is difficult
to love? Are you attracted to someone other than your spouse? Are
you playing with matches that could spark an emotional affair? If I
experience temptation in this area, I tell Barbara, “I just need you to
know what I’m thinking and what I’ve been tempted with.”
Perhaps you are involved in an inappropriate dialogue on an
Internet chat room or are being enticed by pornography. No matter
what the sin, it is compromising your integrity at home. Repent, and
get rid of it.
Local Church Family Ministry in the New Millennium 19