HALF LORD OF THE FISHES POSEThe first time someone suggested I use the ladies’
locker room was at my yoga studio. I’d change in
the men’s room, and the men in there would see
me putting on my clothes and a little makeup after
class. One day, one of the teachers said, “You know,
you can use the ladies’ room.” I thought he was jok-
ing, but he wasn’t. I decided to try it.
I went in and then ran out.
I was just so overwhelmed. I hadn’t stopped
to think that the women would all be without
clothing. I saw naked bodies, my heart started
pounding, and I was like, “Oh, my god!” One of
the locker room attendants was laughing hyster-
ically. She said, “You’re so funny; you ran out of
there like a little kid!”
In my mind, I am a woman, just as much as any
other woman. I have never felt like a man. I have
tried to suppress it, but it doesn’t go away. The
women in the locker room knew me already from
yoga class. They knew I am trans gender. I prac-
tice in a sports bra, tights, and nail polish. But I
was so scared to take that next step and use the
ladies’ locker room.
Two days after I ran out, I decided to try again.
This time, the studio manager said, “I’ll walk in
with you if you want.” She and I went in there
together, and this time, I kid you not, the women
came up to me and said, “Congratulations!” At
least six or seven of them gave me hugs. They
said, “Welcome. Look; you’re one of us now.”
Now it’s, like, amazing. I come in, and they
go, “Hey, Susan.” Everyone says hello. I do stay
wrapped in a towel so nobody sees any parts, and
I notice that once in a while, a lady here or there
will move away from me into another area of the
locker room. I understand. I wish sometimes I
could talk to them, to explain how much I want
to be accepted.
But overall, the yoga studio has been one of
the most receptive places I have ever been to.
It’s not a problem for people there. Yogis are
very much like, “No big deal. We love you.”