LEGS-UP-THE-WALL POSEI live in Boston now, but I grew up surfing in Cal-
ifornia. There’s something very spiritual about
surfing. A wave comes; you take off, and you’re
inside the wave. There’s incredible force, but also
silence, until the wave crashes and throws you
over your board. That’s the thrill. That’s the rush.
The other thing is, what’s underneath the
water? You’re out there, peaceful, and you see a
shadow. What is it? Is it a shark? I thought about
that every time I was surfing.
It’s the same thing now: fear of the future,
fear of the unknown.
So I have cancer, and I’m young. When I found
out, the initial news was, my cancer is highly
treatable. But there was no discussion of a cure.
I figured out pretty quickly that it was very pos-
sible I would live a long, normal life and also pos-
sible I would die quickly. I took that very hard.
I have two little children.
I had found yoga years earlier but done it
less often as I got married, had kids, and my job
became more busy. But when you get a phone
call telling you “You have lymphoma,” it’s earth-
shattering. I had to get back in touch with the
spiritual part of my life.
It has taken me a while to get to the other side
of fear. Really, I’ll never be there. There’s no end;
it’s a daily process.
I ended six months of weekly chemo a week
before this photo was taken. It was a targeted,
experimental regimen, which is why I still have
a full head of hair. As of right now, there is no
cancer in my blood. I am in remission. The morn-
ing of this photo, I took a yoga class. We were
doing inversions—upside-down poses—and when
we came out of them, the teacher said, “Land in
your feet.” I thought, “That’s it. Be right here,
right now. Be right where you’re standing, not
where you want to be, not where you were.” If
I can stay right here and focus on now, the past
and the future, for that moment, go away.
Yeah, it’s hard. I don’t know what’s going
to happen. But right now I’m living, and I’m so
stoked about that.