REVOLVED STANDING FORWARD BENDI have always been very hard on myself. I grew up
with an internal voice that constantly questioned
my own worth. The day-to-day information I
received from my friends and other people was so
much the complete opposite of what that voice
told me that eventually I started to think, “Either
everyone is just trying to make me feel better,
or there is something wrong with the way I see
myself.” When did I realize this? I don’t know—
three days ago? Really, it’s still a work in progress.
I am a fiery person who has a lot of emotion I
want to move out of my body, and yoga was one
of the first things that helped lead me to a place
of release. Yoga was my first experience of using
my body while controlling my breath, connecting
the two into what felt like a moving meditation.
That was a mind-boggling discovery, and I loved
the feeling. But soon I found that yoga, which
draws you inward and gets you really quiet, wasn’t
enough. I need to pound the floor a little bit.
About six years ago, I had just had a baby and
I started teaching a couple of the other moms
in my building this new style of movement I
had created, which I now call “the class.” In
the class, we work one muscle group at a time
until we completely exhaust it. I like to say that
once we’ve crushed the physical body enough,
that’s when we’re “in.” We’re into the parts of
ourselves that are not so loaded with other
people’s ideas, and we’re feeling things we
don’t want to feel, like, “I’m not good enough.”
What I am trying to do is heal something that’s
inside of me, to feel these feelings so I can
face them. It seems like lots of people need
the same thing.
I try to make people aware of what they’re
saying to themselves. Then we use cardiovascu-
lar movements like shaking and jumping jacks to
flush that negative energy out of the body. I also
encourage people to yell. Sometimes they cry.
It’s a cathartic experience.
We end in silence, the same way a yoga ses-
sion ends. I just think sometimes you have to get
really loud to get really quiet.