Woman’s Own – 02 September 2019

AT M Y S E L F

I couldn’ t

bear to look

WORDS:

MISHAAL

KHAN

AND

CHARLOTTE

NISBET.

PHOTOS:

MERCURY

PRESS,

CATERS

NEWS/XO

YOURS

TRULY

PHOTOGRAPHY

For Brittney Sullivan, 32, the decision to curl

her hair had devastating consequences

S

crutinising my reflection in the

mirror, I pick up my foundation

and begin applying a thick layer

on my face. It’s hard not to get

upset when I see my disfigured left eye,

uneven skin tone and cheek smothered

in scars. But as I desperately try to cover

up everything with make-up, I remind

myself that things could have been

so much worse.

I’dalwaysbeenimage

conscious,stylingmy

long,darkhairandwearing

make-upeveryday.When

I metDavid,then22,in June

2004,healwayscommented

onhowbeautifulI looked.

Wemarriedin June 2007

andourdaughter,Makennah,

wasbornin 2008,followed

bylittlePresleyin 2012.

Butshortlyafter,I wasblow-drying

myhaironemorningwhenI collapsed

andblackedout.Luckily,Davidwasin

theroomandcalledanambulance.

Athospital,I wasdiagnosedwith

epilepsy.It wascausedbya small

lesiononmybrain,andalthoughdoctors

couldn’texplainwhyit hadhappened,

I’dbeonmedicationfor

therestofmylife.

Overtheyears,I hada

fewmoreseizures– but,

thankfully,nothingtoo

serious,andin May2016,

mysonJameswasborn.

Aftera fewmonths

offformaternityleave,

I wasreadytoreturn

tomyjobasanestate

agent.Bynow,the

girlswereatschool

and James was at day care.

It was tough, juggling everything,

and every morning would be busy

as I tried to get myself and the

kids dressed and ready.

On 19 January 2018, it was no

different. David had already left

for his job as a prison officer, and

James, then 20 months, was still

asleep.I’djust finished getting

thegirlsready,and

whiletheywere

eatingtheircereal

andwatchingcartoons,

I tooktheopportunity

togoandquicklyget

myselfsorted.

I stoodin frontofthe

bathroommirror,switchedon

mycurlingtongsandparted

myhairintosections.That’s

allI remember– becausethenextthing,

I waswakingupin a hospitalbed

disorientatedandinagony.

Nexttomewasmymum,Angie,53,

lookingdesperatelyworried.Myleft

eyewassoreandfeltuncomfortable,

butMumstoppedmefromtouchingit.

‘You’vesuffereda

nastyburn,’shesaid.

I wasstrugglingto

comprehendthewords

shewassayingbut,still

groggy,I managedto

askfora mirror.When

Mumreluctantlyheldit

upforme,I gaspedin

horror.It lookedlikemy

lefteyeandhalfmy

cheekhadmelted

away,leavinga raw,

terrifyingmess.I could

stillseeoutof my eye, but it

wasbarelyopen. I wanted to

scream,butno sound would come out.

‘It’sOK,’Mum said, trying to keep me

calm.ButI was so confused, it all felt so

unreal.I triedto steady my breathing, but

I wasstillunaware of exactly how I’d got

there.Mumexplained I’d collapsed at

home.‘Davidis with the kids but they

areallsoworried about you,’ Mum

explainedtome, taking my hand.

Feelingterrified

I’dbeenin hospital for a couple of hours

bythen– and, drowsy and disorientated,

I couldn’ttake in any more information.

WhenI wasdischarged a few hours later,

myeyecovered up, I went straight home.

I wasstillin shock, but other than giving

mepainkillers, there was nothing more

thedoctorscould do for me at that time.

I wasterrified about how David and the

kidswouldreact to my burns, though.

Sittingonthe sofa, Makennah and

Presleybeside me, I cried when they both

reachedformy hands. ‘We still love you,

Mummy,’said Makennah. But I didn’t

‘I wantedto

screambut

nosound

would

come out’

Brittneyasshe

lookedbefore

In hospital

after it happened