Woman’s Own – 02 September 2019

A problem shared

Mum-of-two

AnitaNaik

hasbeenan

agonyauntfor

25 years.

ContactAnita

[email protected],

follow her on Twitter @AnitaNaik, or go to anitanaik.com

Q

Threemonthsago,mymotherdied.I hada

complicatedrelationshipwithherformost

ofmylife.Shewasdemandingandpronetofits

ofanger.Forthreeyearsaftermyfatherdied,

shewouldn’ttalktome,andwhenwemadeup,

shewouldmakemefeelguiltyandreduceme

totearsoverthingsthathappenedinthepast.

Nowshe’sgoneI feelevenangrierwithher

andevenmoreguiltyaboutwhat happened

betweenus.What do I do?

Dawn, 47

A

Whensomeoneyouhavehada problematic

relationshipwithdies,theirrelationshipwith

youremainsdifficultevenafterdeath,especially

whenthingshaven’tbeenresolved.Whatmakes

thisworseis knowingit’snowtoolatetoget

closureandthatfuelsmoreangerandregret.

Thisis whyyouneedtotalktosomeonewho

understands.CruseBereavementCarehasa

helplineon 08088081677 thatcanofferyou

emotional support. Do give them a call.

3 ways to...

dealwith someone

who is self-harming

Heliestome all

thetime

Q

Ihavebeenwithmypartner

forsevenyears.He’sa good

manbutliesallthetime.It’snot

bigthingsbutstupidthingslike

tellingmehehelpedthekids

withhomeworkorpickedthem

upfroma friend’shousewhenhe

didn’t.Orhefixedthecarordid

someshoppingwhenhenever

bothered.It drivesmecrazyand

makesmewonderwhathe’sup

to,buthejust thinks it’s normal.

Nat, 45

A

Youneedtoexplaintoyour

partnerthatwitheverylittle

liehetells,yourtrustin himgets

chippedaway.Asyousay,lying

aboutsmallthingsonlymakes

youwonderif he’slyingabout

biggerthings.I suspectthisis just

a habitbornoutoflaziness,rather

thana signofsomethinggoing

on,butyoudoneedtotalktohim

andlethimknowhowdestructive

this is to your relationship.

I wantmoresex

Q

I’minmy40s,anda year

agoI gottogetherwitha

manwho’sa bitolderthanme.

Thingsweregood,andsexwas

perfect,butovertimewe’ve

gonefromalwaysbeingatit

toa coupleoftimesa month.I’d

liketohavesexatleastoncea

week,butI feelunsureabout

howtosaythis to him.

Frannie, 45

A

Whilesex

doesadjust

intoa more

regularpattern

oncethe

‘honeymoon’

periodis over,

partofhavinga

goodsexlifeis being

open.Talktoyourpartnerandfind

outif he’dliketohavemoresex

too,andif not,whatkindof

compromises you can find together.

1

TRYNOTTO

overreact.The

wayyourespond

willhaveanimpact

onhowmuchthe

personself-harming

opensuptoyou

inthefuture.

Rememberthat

self-harmis usually

someone’sway

ofmanaging

strong feelings.

2

DOWNLOADTHE

CalmHarmapp.

Thisprovidestasks

thathelppeopleto

resistormanagethe

urgetoself-harm.

Thefourcategories

targetthemain

reasonsthey

self-harmandthe

focusis tohelpthem

managetheir

‘emotional mind’.

3

OFFERTOHELP

findthemsupport.

Contactharmless.

org.ukforextrahelp

andadviceonhowto

supportsomeone

who is self-harming.

Lessthan

halfofpeople

havehad

sexat

leastonce

week a

inthelast

month

Deathcan

meana lack

of closure

PHOTOS (POSED BY MODELS): GETTY

I feel so angry

with her

ADVICE

Good