PARTINGSHOTS
130 JANUARY2020|COMPUTERSHOPPER|ISSUE383
Zygote
Whilewaiting for hisonlinepizzadeliverytoarrive,Zygotechecksout theRainbow Spa
Erotic MassageEmpire–purelyinthe interestsofjournalisticresearch,of course
Trademarks used to be
restricted to brand or product
names, but now anything goes,
including holograms, colours,
patterns, animations and sounds.
In which case,Zygoteisapplying
foratrademark on two fingers in
the shape of areversed V,
rhythmically movingupand down.
Meanwhile, Facebook’s Libra
crypto-currency has been given
the two fingers by theFrench.
Their finance minister Bruno Le
Maire says, “Wecannot authorise
Libra on European soil, the
monetary sovereignty of
European states is at stake.”
He then went on to denounce
Facebook’s blockchain proposals
as an open door to money
laundering and terrorism. Which
is much the same as any other
currency as farasZygotecan see.
PIZZATHEACTION
Ahungrycitizen of San Diego got
frustrated waiting fortheir order
to arrive from the local branch of
Domino’s Pizza. Theyused the
Domino’s app to embed a
message saying theywere being
held hostage at their home in
Sherman Heights, and needed
their carbohydratefixpronto.
Instead of aknock on the
door from the pizza delivery
courier,their door was kicked in
by asquad of armed police in full
tactical gear,who proceeded to
rearrange the architecture.
According to Domino’s
Online FunFacts service,
customers have 15 digital ways
to order.Make that 16.
DIS STRESS
In an attempt to uphold public
decency,statecensors in
Kazakhstan tried to block
access to awebsiterun by the
Rainbow Spa Erotic Massage
Empire.Theyhad reason to
believe that Rainbow Spa had
links to “an illegal prostitution
ring”,sotheytried to pull the
plug on two IP addresses
associated with the website.
Unfortunately,when Zygote
accessed Rainbow Spa online –
forthe purposes of research –it
was up and running on anew
server,and offering afull range of
intimateservices including
“four-hand massage relieve of
stress”.Even more unfortunately,
the result of this bungled attempt
at censorship has also resulted in
blocked access to 84,000 other
websites and 9,500 domains.
INACTION REPLAY
Youthful videogame players who
flock to the Belong Gaming Arena
in central Bristol are delicate
creatures, so the organisers at
the location have done all they
can to ensure the safety and
wellbeing of the little darlings.
Each of the play-pods, where the
trigger-happyenthusiasts get
plugged intotheir favourite
entertainment, features an
oversize Emergency Button
within arm’s reach.
The function of these alarms
is not to call forhelp if suffering
from aslipped disc, aseizure or
even abladder alert, but to
summon up afreshly prepared
snack via Deliveroo.What’s more,
the fodder is provided forfree.
Well, free-ish. Players must be
over 12 years old, not playlonger
than eight hours at atime,and
payupto£50 whether theyeat
their snack or not. Yummy.
SINTAXERROR
Parents were understandably
upset when theyaccessedthe
Childcare TaxService online
portal run by Her Majesty’s
Revenue and Customs, only to be
greeted by asecuritywarning
that “attackers might be trying to
steal your passwords, messages
or credit cards” due to the fact
that the websitewas insecure.
HMRC then took awee while to
issue astatement that included
the words, “This technical issue
has now been resolved and the
service is working well”.
And the cause of the
problem? Some idiot had let the
HTTPS secure certificateexpire.
Cost of the Revenue’stax credit
spending in the current financial
year is £26bn. The cost of a
secure certificate is about £35.
.UK OFF
Colin McDermott was puzzled to
receive abill from 123-reg, which
is the biggest internet domain
name registrar in the UK. The bill
for£11.99had been issued to Mr
McDermott forthe ‘renewal’ of a
.uk domain name that he had not
wanted and never ordered.
Several other consumers then
reported similar incidents, and
Zygotebelieves that the root of
the problem is simple to explain.
It’s ascam. Not only is it ascam,
butit’sascam perpetrated by
123-reg itself.
The common .co.uk domain
name category has been around
since 1985, but the .uk domain is
much more recent. It seems that
customers who already own the
former are being automatically
billed forthe latter without any
explanation, and Zygote would
like an explanation of the word
‘renewal’ that appears in these
so-called invoices.
Zygotewould also like an
explanation from Nominet, the
regulatory overseer of UK
internet domains. It was Nominet
that urged the creation of these
new .uk domains two years ago,
despitesensible and well-argued
objections, and as well as 123-reg
and the other registrars, it is
Nominet that will benefit to the
tune of millions of quidayear
from suckers duped intopaying
forsomething they don’t need
andnever asked for.
Readers maybeinterested to
know that Nominet profits have
risenfrom£28m to £43m since
the .uk domains were introduced,
and that the average salary of
Nominet directors has risen by
over 50% during the same period.
BOOK KEEPING
The EU’s Intellectual Property
Office has granted Facebook the
European trademark to its own
name,which Zygote considersto
be perfectly proper.What Zygote
considers to be stark-raving
bonkers is Facebook’s latest
application to the Europeans to
trademark the word ‘book’.
