72 F1 RACING DECEMBER 2019
FEAR AND SELF-LOATHING IN SÃOPAULO
Yup. It happens. It really does. I remember my second-to-last race in 2016.
Brazil, it was, thepenu ltimate race ofthe season – the race before Abu
Dhabi, at which I was due to retire. It was wet, which should have been
perfect conditions for me, and one of those races that I could wring the
neck out of and maybe do a little better than expected. I certainly hoped to
beat my team-mate at the time, whowas Fernando Alonso.
Turn one, it hit me. I had a bit of wobble, figuratively and literally. The
circuit was treacherous with rain and I was sliding all overthe place. This
was the race whereMax Verstappen really showed his skills in the wet.
Well, as he was doing that up front, muggins here, the former wet-race
specialist, was sliding all over the place at the back, feeling very much not
in control of his car, desperately trying and failing to find grip, and feeling...
Fearful.
For the first time ever, I was scared.
I didn’t tell anyone at thetime. I ’ve hardly told a soul since. But I
suffered a loss of nerve that day. It was because I knew I was retiring, and
as a result all I could think about was hurting myself.
The race was super wet, at a tough circuit thateven though it had been so
good to meover the years was still a dangerous one. This is not something
you’d normally think about. Usually, in fact, you’re not thinking in those
terms at all. Don’t let anything distract you when you’re driving.It’s not a case of having toconsciously banish distractions. They simply
don’t occur to you. You’re a driving machine and that’s it. But here I was,
thinking. I was thinking, “There are two races to go. I don’t want to hurt
myself. Not when I’ve achieved so much, come so far.”
I was scaring myself, that was theproblem. My head wasn’t in the right
place, and I think that’s probably the most dangerous scenario. You tense
up, and whenyou tense up like that it’s so easyfor the car to snap. A bit
of oversteer, a bit of understeer, it just goes. You might be going through
a corner, hit a river, and if you snatch atthe steering you lose grip and it’s
bang, gone, you’re in the wall at 150mph. I didn’t want to finish my career
like that, or possibly not walk away from something. Ask me my scariest
moment in a race car and that was it.
And here’s the kicker. Because it was a wet race I was finding it tough to
drive the car, whichwas exacerbating the psychological issue, which made
it even harder to drive the car, and because of that I couldn’t get heat in the
tyres, and because of that it made the driving more difficult, which in turn
made the psychological issue worse.
As soon as you get tyre temperature in the wet, things get easier, you can
start pushing the car andtaking risks, but I couldn’t even get to that stage.
It’s not uncommon. I’ve heard it said by other drivers that the fear kicks in
once you decide to retire. For that reason I think it would be better if you“MAX VERSTAPPEN REALLY SHOWED HIS SKILLS IN THE WET.
WELL, AS HE WAS DOING THAT UP FRONT, MUGGINS HERE, THE FORMER
WET-RACE SPECIALIST, WAS SLIDING ALL OVER THE PLACE AT THE BACK,
FEELING VERY MUCH NOT IN CONTROL OF HIS CAR, DESPERATELY TRYING
AND FAILING TO FIND GRIP, AND FEELING... FEARFUL”
Brazil2016wasaneye-
openerforJenson,who
wasscaredforthefirst
timeinanF1carPICTURE:MARKSUTTON72 F1 RACING DECEMBER 2019
FEAR AND SELF-LOATHING IN SÃOPAULO
Yup. It happens. It really does. I remember my second-to-last race in 2016.
Brazil, it was, thepenu ltimate race ofthe season – the race before Abu
Dhabi, at which I was due to retire. It was wet, which should have been
perfect conditions for me, and one of those races that I could wring the
neck out of and maybe do a little better than expected. I certainly hoped to
beat my team-mate at the time, whowas Fernando Alonso.
Turn one, it hit me. I had a bit of wobble, figuratively and literally. The
circuit was treacherous with rain and I was sliding all overthe place. This
was the race whereMax Verstappen really showed his skills in the wet.
Well, as he was doing that up front, muggins here, the former wet-race
specialist, was sliding all over the place at the back, feeling very much not
in control of his car, desperately trying and failing to find grip, and feeling...
Fearful.
For the first time ever, I was scared.
I didn’t tell anyone at thetime. I ’ve hardly told a soul since. But I
suffered a loss of nerve that day. It was because I knew I was retiring, and
as a result all I could think about was hurting myself.
The race was super wet, at a tough circuit thateven though it had been so
good to meover the years was still a dangerous one. This is not something
you’d normally think about. Usually, in fact, you’re not thinking in those
terms at all. Don’t let anything distract you when you’re driving.
It’s not a case of having toconsciously banish distractions. They simply
don’t occur to you. You’re a driving machine and that’s it. But here I was,
thinking. I was thinking, “There are two races to go. I don’t want to hurt
myself. Not when I’ve achieved so much, come so far.”
I was scaring myself, that was theproblem. My head wasn’t in the right
place, and I think that’s probably the most dangerous scenario. You tense
up, and whenyou tense up like that it’s so easyfor the car to snap. A bit
of oversteer, a bit of understeer, it just goes. You might be going through
a corner, hit a river, and if you snatch atthe steering you lose grip and it’s
bang, gone, you’re in the wall at 150mph. I didn’t want to finish my career
like that, or possibly not walk away from something. Ask me my scariest
moment in a race car and that was it.
And here’s the kicker. Because it was a wet race I was finding it tough to
drive the car, whichwas exacerbating the psychological issue, which made
it even harder to drive the car, and because of that I couldn’t get heat in the
tyres, and because of that it made the driving more difficult, which in turn
made the psychological issue worse.
As soon as you get tyre temperature in the wet, things get easier, you can
start pushing the car andtaking risks, but I couldn’t even get to that stage.
It’s not uncommon. I’ve heard it said by other drivers that the fear kicks in
once you decide to retire. For that reason I think it would be better if you“MAX VERSTAPPEN REALLY SHOWED HIS SKILLS IN THE WET.
WELL, AS HE WAS DOING THAT UP FRONT, MUGGINS HERE, THE FORMER
WET-RACE SPECIALIST, WAS SLIDING ALL OVER THE PLACE AT THE BACK,
FEELING VERY MUCH NOT IN CONTROL OF HIS CAR, DESPERATELY TRYING
AND FAILING TO FIND GRIP, AND FEELING... FEARFUL”
Brazil2016wasaneye-
openerforJenson,who
wasscaredforthefirst
timeinanF1carPICTURE:MARKSUTTON