toddlers, giving them either four toys or 16 toys. When they
were given fewer toys they focused more, were more engaged,
played more creatively and interacted with their toys longer
and in more varied ways. “There was a significant difference
in the quality of toddlers’ play between the two toy conditions,”
the study concluded. In other words, less chaos can lead to
increased focus and more joy. Makes sense.
Simpler toys are better too: The American Academy of Pedi-
atrics (AAP) recently put out a report saying that the ideal toys
are nonelectronic ones (read: no screens or apps). “The best
toys are those that support parents and children playing, pre-
tending and interacting together,” said Alan Mendelsohn, M.D.,
F.A.A.P., in an AAP statement. “You just don’t reap the same
rewards from a tablet or screen. And when children play with
parents, the real magic happens, whether they are pretending
with toy characters or building blocks or puzzles together.”
That sounds like exactly what I want: a small collection of
quality toys, just as in my photo. So how do I get my family to
sign on? I decided to enlist some professional help, and here’s
what the experts told me to do (besides forward those studies
to everyone in my family!):
Clear some space. To prepare for the incoming deluge
of toys, I need to get rid of some old ones my daughter
doesn’t play with anymore. I
should ditch anything with broken
or missing pieces — why do I
hang on to those anyway? — and
consider passing on toys she’s
outgrown developmentally. “When
she’s old enough, have your child
help you decide what to give away
to children who are less fortunate,”
says social psychologist Susan
Newman, Ph.D. “Be sure to let her
know — or take her with you to
see — where her toys are going. It’s
a good way to start building caring
and empathy for others.”
Don’t keep everything for
fear of blowback. Not that
I’m admitting my resolve weakens
out of fear of toddler tantrums (ha-ha), but my daughter
might not mind parting with some of her toys if I’m up-front
about it. “Although it probably seems as if kids will be upset
when parents give some toys away, many actually find it a
relief,” says Katie Hurley, L.C.S.W., author of The Happy
Kid Handbook. “Having too many toys can feel chaotic.
A simple explanation, like ‘We have more than we need
right now; we can save some and share some and still have
plenty of fun toys to use,’ goes a long way toward helping
kids learn that it really is the thought that counts.”
Ask for intangible things. I don’t need another My
Little Pony in the house, but I’d be thrilled if someone picked
up the tab for my daughter’s soccer classes. “A great alternative
to the massive number of presents that can accumulate is to
Beyond the frame is a mountain of gifts,
though Eloise was happy with these few.ask relatives for the gift of experiences, like a family museum
membership,” says Emily Edlynn, Ph.D. “You could also ask for
a gift that’s spread out over the year, like a subscription to a
kids’ magazine or a monthly activity
box. We know that experiences are
more gratifying than objects, so this
can be much more meaningful than
adding more toys to the pile.”
Outings are even better.
“Ask your gift-giving relatives to
take your daughter to the zoo or the
park, or sled with her, or take her out
for breakfast, and make it a standing
date until her teen years, when she
will object,” says Newman, author
of Little Things Long Remembered:
Making Your Children Feel Special
Every Day (“You don’t do that with
an excessive amount of gifts,” she
jokes about the subtitle).
Just give up. Did I mention that my mother-in-law works
at a toy store? She’s not really going to go for experiences,
no matter how solid a case I make for it. In the end, I think I
might just have to suck it up, accept the gifts and pack some
away for a rainy day, doling them out to my daughter over the
ensuing months. The secret is not to be sneaky about it. “What
often works is asking a child which toys she wants to play with
now and which ones she wants for later,” Newman says. “If it’s
an unruly amount, a young child is apt to forget some items in
the enormous pile — you can hope for that.”
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Family Room reader story
100 GH DECEMBER 2019
“WE KNOW
EXPERIENCES CAN BE
much more
meaningful
THAN ADDING
more toys to
the pile.”