Los Angeles Times - 02.11.2019

F

or a queer woman, the
dating pool is limited
no matter how large a
city you live in. It can
be difficult to find a
potential date who is
not your best friend’s
ex, let alone park your car without
bumping into an ex-girlfriend.
While I wouldn’t say I moved from
Seattle to Los Angeles for this
reason exactly, after nine years, I
was ready for a fresh start.
I arrived in Los Angeles on New
Year’s Day of this year, and I was
single. By mid-January, I was
getting to know the city from the
passenger’s seat of a new sweetie’s
Jeep. But by Valentine’s Day she
was gone, and I had ruined the city
of no ex-girlfriends. I told myself
L.A. was still full of people I had yet
to meet. I set out swiping on a
dating app. My first connection
was with someone who hooked me
with a line that she was “Just look-
ing for a girl to pop popcorn with.”
Though our first date felt re-
laxed, in retrospect our conversa-
tion was intense — broaching
subjects like religion and children.
She told me she wanted to have
four kids and a golden retriever. I
quipped that I was “dating lite.”
Despite such heavy topics, her
strongest reaction came when I
told her I liked to hike.
“I don’t hike,” she said firmly.
She told me a woman she dated
had once invited her to meet at a
lookout point for a sunset picnic.
Dressed in white pants, a cash-
mere sweater and perhaps the
same fur-lined loafers she was
wearing the night we’d met, she
discovered that “lookout point”
was the pinnacle of a hike that
kicked up her allergies, sullied her
clothes and made her sweat. I took
the hint — no hiking dates.
A week later I sat by the pool at
the Line hotel with some Seattle
friends before they flew back to my
old city. I told them about my dates
— a date that never showed, a date
that felt like just friends, cocktails
with a musician paleontologist
who intrigued me. After recapping
my drinks with the “no hiking for
me” date, I said I’d planned to see
her again but I knew it wasn’t going
anywhere. “Why not?” They

wanted to know. My flimsy justifi-

cations fell flat.

“You’re going to fall in love with

her. That’s what always happens

when my friends say they aren’t

getting serious with someone,” one

of them said.

“That’s not what’s happening

here.” I answered sharply.

In the weeks that followed, the

one I “wasn’t going to fall in love

with” made regular appearances.

At her suggestion, we built the Ikea

bookshelf that stood between me

and being fully moved in. As we

unloaded books from my last box

onto the shelves, in rainbow order,

I began to suspect I had found a

total catch. Dating apps and other

prospects fell away.

Despite this, I floundered when

she asked me to be exclusive. I was

caught between my defenses and

the fact I had been trying to find

true partnership for most of my

adult life. Did I really believe I had

ruined my chance at love in L.A.?

Or after all this time looking for

love, was I afraid of the deep end?

I decided to take the plunge.

After that, we moved on to terms

like “girlfriends” and even “love”

without a hitch.

None of this prepared me for

the day she used the word “hike.”

It happened when her interest

was piqued by a photo of a turtle

that I took during one of my hikes.

“Babe,” I warned, “if you want

to see the turtles, you have to go on

a hike.” “OK,” she said, “I’ll do it.”

I was used to a 9 a.m. hike start,

but it was after 11 when we began

our climb at Debs Park in north-

east L.A. on a spring day that felt

like summer, 80 degrees and

shadeless. I held my tongue, but I

was worried. I felt a little bit miser-

able and this was myactivity.

Would we make it to the turtles

without a meltdown? Was I risking

our relationship for an activity I

knew she despised?

Despite the temperature, she

side-eyed me less than I expected.

Hot and panting, we crested the

final hill and reached the oasis we

had come for — a lush pond teem-

ing with ducks, fish and turtles.

She stopped suddenly.

“I’ve been

here before.”

“That’s not

possible,” I said.

“You never

hike.”

“Is there

another way

here that’s

straight up?”

She asked.

Actually,

there was.

From anoth-

er side, the hike

has a fork where

you can ditch

the meandering

for a steep,

direct line that

arrives at the

opposite side of

the pond.

“This is it! This is where I went

on that date!” For a moment I

thought this memory might taint

our adventure.

“Well, it’s way better with you,”

she said as she took my hand, and

we kissed.

We looped around the pond,

cooing at turtles not only on flat

rocks in the sun but also stacked

on one another’s backs in the

brush along our path. Orange

shapes streaked across the water

— two massive koi I had never

noticed — and a pair of hawks

soared overhead.

Later, recovering on the couch

in the air conditioning, she pro-

claimed, “I think I might be a

hiker!”

The author is a writer, creative

writing coach and LGBTQ

literature advocate. She is on

Instagram @molly__parton

and her website is

mollythorntonwrites.com

Would we blaze our own trail?

By Molly Thornton

Lisa KogawaFor The Times

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