wellness
30 CalmMoment.com
T
he ideas we internalise about ourselves can
be both positive and negative, but when
these affect our self-belief, we can struggle.
Positive self-belief comes from challenging our
internal critic and taking steps to fuel confidence
in our own judgement, skills and abilities.
When car manufacturer Henry Ford said,
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t,
you’re right,” he summed up how potent and self-
fulfilling that internal critic can be. Put like this, it
seems relatively easy to change, just learn to think
more positively and the problem’s solved! But in
evolutionary terms we tend to be wired towards
negativity because our survival may have once
depended on being risk averse, so it can take time
and practise to reinforce the positive. But how?
Some of the critical and self-limiting things we
tell ourselves start with the words I can’t, I’m not,
I shouldn’t, and, What will other people think? All of
which applies a brake to our thinking and our
efforts, making it all too easy to fall into the trap
of negative self-beliefs. One place to start is by
challenging our knee-jerk negative reactions and
instead, respond a little more thoughtfully.
Imagine this. Rationally, you know you have all
the training and experience for that wonderful
new job. You have all the qualifications, skills and
experience they ask for, you can tick every box but
there’s still something holding you back. There’s a
small insistent voice in your head telling you I can’t
and you justify this by thinking there’s probably no
point because there’s bound to be someone else
better than you for the job. Unless this self-criticism
is challenged, it chips away at your self-belief.
We recognise self-belief in others. We can see
that the friend who goes on a first date, has a great
time but receives no call the next day, doesn’t
automatically wail “What’s wrong with me?”. She
has positive self-belief. We recognise it in others
when they accept a compliment gracefully, or when
they are willing to admit to and learn from their
mistakes. We can see that someone with positive
self-belief doesn’t need to brag or boast aboutYes, you can
Take on your internal critic and trust in your own abilities –
with a little thought you’ll soon change ‘I can’t’ into ‘I can’
Words: Harriet Griffey / Illustration: Esther Curtisthemselves. And they don’t over-personalise a
situation, either, because it isn’t always about them.
For many of us, anything to do with the word
‘self ’ has become associated with accusations of
self-indulgence. We may have grown up always
being told to put others first, or not to get too big for
our boots. And while we might pay lip service to
the idea that being self-confident, self-assured and
having self-belief is positive, we actually retain an
internal belief that this is somehow, well, selfish.
It’s all too easy to reinforce a negative view, but
that would be a mistake. Genuine, positive self-
belief can give us the confidence to stand up for
who we are, where we come from and what we
believe in. Positive self-belief allows us not to be
swayed by the crowd, but to be authentic and
resilient, with compassion and tolerance for
ourselves and others.
The next time something comes up, whether it’s
an event, a new skill or supporting the underdog,
and you think I can’t do that, challenge yourself.
Take a closer look at what is holding you back.
Gear up a little and take it from there. If you don’t
yet have all the skills you need, work out how you
could gain them, or ask someone to help you. Much
of positive self-belief rests in trusting our ability
to weigh up risk and manage failure if it occurs,
because every time we do this, we also risk
success. And each successful step reassures us that
something we thought might be impossible, wasn’t,
and this reinforces positive self-belief. What will it
take to shift that negative to a positive? And will
you take that first small step to achieve it?Harriet Griffey is a writer,
journalist and author of more than
20 books on health and wellbeing.
For more of Harriet’s insight, read
I Want To Be Confident (Hardie
Grant, £7. 99 ), out now.