British Vogue - 12.2019

“I played a symbol,” she says, thoughtfully. “I

know this, because she’s a symbol for me.” But

Emma Watson is not Hermione Granger. “I’m

not. And I’m also not what, weirdly, my name

has come to mean,” she says of her own fame.

“Even people that are really close to me

sometimes can’t let it go. Or see just me. And

then sometimes I have to go, ‘No, no – I need

exactly what you need. I’m just as human as you

are. I’m just as insecure as you are. I struggle

just as much as you struggle.’”

Strangely, it’s a lighthearted conversation about

awkward kisses that seems to illustrate the unique

position she finds herself in: “I’ll be making out

with someone and then I am on the telly behind

us,” she says, “and all I can hear is the Harry

Potter theme tune as I’m kissing someone, and

I’m like, ‘Do I turn it off? Do I just ignore this?

Is he thinking about this? Is it just me thinking

about this? Maybe he doesn’t know what the

Harry Potter theme tune sounds like. Maybe

it’s just me.’” We begin to laugh, but the specific

loneliness of being famous from a young

age feels very real. Does she ever enjoy the

flamboyant side of celebrity? The photo shoots?

The red carpets? The parties? “That’s something

I’ve sat in therapy and felt really guilty about,

to be honest,” she says. “Like, ‘Why me?’

Somebody else would have enjoyed and wanted

this aspect of it more than I did. I’ve wrestled

a lot with the guilt around that. Of being, like,

‘I should be enjoying this more. I should be

more excited.’ And I’m actually really struggling.

“There’s been moments when everything just

got so big, where I almost had vertigo on my

own life,” she continues. “And it’s got so big I

felt disconnected.” She finds peace in these

moments by remembering: “I am a sister. I belong

to a family... There’s a whole existence and

identity that I have, actually, that’s really

important and weighted and solid that has

nothing to do with any of that.” She says she has

even felt the need to ask her parents, “‘Am I still

your daughter?’ You know? It has felt so weird

sometimes.” She becomes visibly upset sharing

this and I feel an overwhelming urge to hug her.

What’s the thing she’s most proud of? The

activism is a big part of it, of course. But for

all the extremities of her life, she takes great

comfort in the basics. “I’ll let other people be

the judge, but I feel sane, and feel normal and

myself. I think I’m the most proud of that.

Because sometimes I look at it all, and I go, ‘I

was lucky to come out the other side of that.’”

Before we part ways, I ask her if there is another

Emma Watson, in an alternate universe, who

didn’t get picked out in the school gym for an

audition 20 years ago. “Like that film Sliding

Doors? I mean, I’m 29 now. I got cast in Harry

Potter when I was nine years old... I don’t even

have that many memories from before.” Would

she have found fame anyway, I wonder? “I always

loved poetry. I always loved performing in that

way,” she replies, a self-possessed woman now.

“I think I would have done it another way.” Q

Little Women is in cinemas on 27 December

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