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I enjoy having a good, long chat with friends
about the future, about when we’re old. I
have one group of friends I can chat with
forever about living together on an otherwise
uninhabited island, where we can build our
own little paradise: perpetual sunshine,
coconuts, flower garlands... that sort of
thing. My best friend and I also have a plan
to buy a wooden villa by one of our favorite
beaches; we could walk straight out of our
bed into the sea. Finally, there’s my friend L.
and our favorite topic: owning a huge canal
house with long hallways where we can race
our walkers and finish with a nice glass of
advocaat with whipped cream. I’m already
looking forward to it.SHARING ONE LOT
These are wild fantasies that always start with
‘one day’, ‘some day’ or ‘later on’, but the
truth is that ‘one day’, ‘some day’ and ‘later
on’ are getting closer and closer. This makes
it something to start thinking about seriously,
especially as the situation in nursing and
convalescent homes gets increasingly more
dire. Perhaps an uninhabited island is slightly
far-fetched, but I do see myself living in a
converted school building with my friends.
Everyone would have their own apartment
and there would be a common area for
socializing and having meals. We would hire
a chef who would cook for all of us every
evening, and when our bodies start to show
signs of wear and tear, we would share the
housekeeping chores. Oh, and that old
school building can also be a farm.
“These types of living arrangements are
still a niche concept, but the subject is
gaining traction,” says trendwatcher Lieke
Lamb. “Part of the reason for this is health
care that is slowly disappearing. How can wesolve this when we become infirm? Even
though we certainly don’t want to return to
the retirement homes of the past, we can’t do
without them. These days, people are taking
the initiative more often when it comes to
their own living arrangements. This might be
a commune or cohousing accommodation
that you move into with your friends, but also
a sustainable converted farmhouse or
innovative ecological village.”
One great example is the De Kamp
commune in the Netherlands, where a
group of four couples have lived, shared
meals, strolled and laughed together on the
same plot of land for over 30 years. This
group had often fantasized about growing
old together. In the summer of 1985, while
in their 50s, they decided to take action.
They all plunked down money for a plot
of land and had four houses built around
an old farm. A few residents have since
passed on, but it was a huge success from
the very beginning.LIKE A DORM
The trend of getting older with your friends
is a worldwide phenomenon known as
cohousing: sharing a neighborhood or
building with shared facilities such as a
relaxation room, a television room or a
garden, for example. Denmark was the
first country to experience this trend, and
it quickly appeared to be so successful
that other European countries and the
US followed.
There are now places all over the world
where the elderly can continue to live the
way they prefer: independently, but
surrounded by their friends, and if it
becomes necessary, caregivers and help
are within reach. Another example is theconcept that Belgian artist Jan Ruyten
came up with, the small-scale retirement
community. It is the equivalent of a
dormitory, but is for senior citizens who want
to grow old with like-minded individuals.
These are ‘normal’ houses or apartment
buildings, preferably centrally located in a
neighborhood that the residents are
originally from. The five-to-seven residents
each have their own living room, bedroom
and bathroom, but share a kitchen,
communal living room, hobby room, guest
room and also often a garden. If the
residents have reached the age where they
need practical or other assistance, there is a
network of volunteers available to help.
“It’s very smart to define how you want to
live out your days this way; we really need
to find different forms of accommodation,”
says sociology professor Beate Volker, who
studies social networks and relationships.
“First of all, we are all living a lot longer; the
current average life span is 80 or 90. This
means that when you reach retirement age,
you still have quite a bit of life yet to live.
How are you going to spend this time?
People don’t always have a partner, and
children definitely won’t always live near
their parents; in fact, people often tend to
live closer to their friends than their family.
This is the active part of their network, and
this is where the focus lies now, much more
so than it did in the past. It would seem
obvious to think, ‘Shall we live together
later on?’”INFORMAL CLUB
This is a question that Barbara Raadsen
Tielenius Kruijthoff and her friends—all in
their 40s—answer with a resounding ‘yes’.
“It might sound strange, but our biggestake care of each other,
see the humor of growing old’
‘We can ta
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