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discoveredandsavedjustin time,only to witness what she
haddesperatelywantedtoavoid:Strachey’s death from
stomachcanceronJanuary21,1932. Friends did what
theycouldtodistracther,butshewas inconsolable. She
washappiestwhenshepainted,sheonce confessed to
Strachey,butwithoutloveshecouldn’t manage that.
What’sthepointofpainting,shethought—Strachey
wouldn’tbetheretoseeit. Partridgekept a careful eye on
her,butshesenthimawaytoMarshall. She told him she
wantedtobealonefora bitbeforeher trip to France with
friendsa fewdayslater.Sheborrowed a gun from a friend
toshootrabbitsin thegarden,something she did more
often.Butthistimewasdifferent.Early in the morning of
March11,1932,sheputonStrachey’s dressing gown,
pressedthebarrelofthegunagainsther heart, and pulled
thetrigger.Thebarrelslidaway,causing the shot to miss its
target.Thegardenerheardtheshotand found Carrington,
bleedingheavilyfromherside.Shewas still conscious
whenPartridgeandMarshallarrivedfrom London. Seeing
howupsetPartridgewas,shesaidit was a mistake and
promisedtotrytolive.However,shedied a few hours later.
Thediarysheleftbehindendswitha few lines she
copiedfroma poembyBritishauthor Henry Wotton (1627):
Hefirstdeceased,shefora littletried
tolivewithouthim,likedit not,anddied.counted on her to do the housekeeping, take care of him
and be the perfect hostess for the endless series of friends
they received. The two roles could hardly coexist.
After Strachey’s biography of Queen Victoria became
a bestseller, the three were able to afford a house with
central heating, and that became Ham Spray House, in
Wiltshire. It had a studio for Carrington to paint in, and on
the first floor she designed a library for Strachey. In the
large living room they installed a fireplace decorated with
tiles that Carrington had hand-painted. She was so busy
with decoration work, also taking on commissions, that
little time was left for her ‘serious art’ as she called it.
Carrington’s letters and diaries show that the great idyll
was starting to wane in 1928. Partridge had found a new
love interest in Frances Marshall. After a major emotional
crisis, they decided he would live with her in London on
weekdays and come to Ham Spray House on the
weekends. But, because the trio didn’t transform into a
quartet with Marshall, Partridge began staying away for
longer stretches of time. Carrington’s love for Strachey
remained as strong as ever, but he continued to enjoy his
homosexual liaisons elsewhere. Although Carrington had a
few affairs of her own with various men and one woman
(who, it turned out, met her emotional and sexual needs
better), as well as Brenan, she was then often alone. She
felt a little lonely, was scared of getting old, and started
drinking too much. She planned to paint more, but honestly
admitted, ‘I’ve been resolving to do that for years’.WITHOUT LOVE
Carrington’s gloomy feelings solidified when Strachey fell
ill toward the end of 1931. What ailed him wasn’t clear, but
his condition rapidly deteriorated, to the great misery of
Carrington, who took care of him, together with friends,
family and nurses. At the end of January the following
year, half unconscious, Strachey mumbled the words she
had always wanted to hear: ‘Dearest Carrington, I love her.
I always wanted to marry her, but I never did it’. When that
night the nurse said she didn’t think Strachey would make
it to the morning, Carrington attempted suicide. She was‘ She was happiest when she painted ,
but without love she couldn ’ t manage that ’
TEXT
LIDDIE
AUSTIN
PHOTOGRAPHY
GETTY IMAGES; LYTTON STRACHEY, 1916 (OIL ON PANEL), DORA CARRINGTON / PRIVATE COLLECTION
/BRIDGEMANIMAGES;MOUNTAINCHURCH,LARRAU(OILONCANVAS),DORACARRINGTON/PRIVATECOLLECTION/PHOTO © THEBLOOMSBURYWORKSHOP,LONDON/BRIDGEMANIMAGES;LYTTONSTRACHEYWITHDORACARRINGTONINTHEGARDEN AT HAM SPRAYHOUSE,NEARHUNGERFORD,UK,N.D./GRANGER/BRIDGEMANIMAGESBACKGROUND PATTERNSHUTTERSTOCKHAND-LETTERINGVALESCA VAN WAVERENWANT TO READ MORE?
‘Carrington’s Letters: Her Art, Her
Loves, Her Friendships’, by Dora
Carrington; edited by biographer &
journalist Anne Chisholm