Esquire USA - 11.2019

the Big Bite

50 November 2019_Esquire

ON THE ROAD

Shandling onstage.

Left: With his mother,

Santa Barbara, 1975.

10) One day you

will not have to wear

glasses, there is a

surgery that can fix

your eyes. I know how

bad yours are. The

doctor may have

to go in thru the back.

11) Be just

who you are

12) Know the world

is impermanent, and

is in constant move-

ment. Nothing, by

nature, is ever exactly

the same the next time

13) Punch a couple

of kids at school. I can’t

recall their names

now, but you know who

I’m talking about.

14) Please don’t

wait till you’re 22 to

move out of the house

away from home.

I’m still choking suffo-

cated by it

15) iPod, DVD,

HD, Bluetooth. No

these aren’t diseases.

Or are they?

16) You think your

ham radio set is fancy

technology. Just wait.

1. 
   

   Acne goes away.
   It’s perhaps the biggest
   advantage to growing
   older. But then your
   hair thins, but don’t
   think about that now.

   
   


2. 
   

   Time doesn’t actu-
   ally exist. However,
   in this impermanent
   world, the illusion that
   time is passing is a
   sign that points to what
   some physicists call
   this relative world.
   You do not exist in as
   I write this. Nor do I,
   at this age, in your
   world. But, on another
   plane we are one, hap-
   pening simultaneously.

   
   

[Letter skips #3
and #4.]

5. 
   

   Grow-up

   
   


6. 
   

   I want to

   
   

assure you

that you

are enough.

Don’t doubt

this. You are

just as God

intended.

7. 
   

   Learn to meditate

   
   


8. 
   

   I will always be
   there to guide and give
   you advice.

   
   


9. 
   

   Stop

   
   

masturbating

BOOKS

GARRY SHANDLING’S ADVICE TO

HIS 16-YEAR-OLD SELF

Judd Apatow’s b ook on h i s l ate mentor, It’s Garry Shandling’s Book, features a newly

discovered letter brimming with Shandling’s signature wit and generosity of

spirit. In it, the comedian breaks down the dos and don’ts he’ll need for his own future.

Excerpted from “It’s Garry Shandling’s Book,” edited and

with an introduction by Judd Apatow. On sale November 12, 2019.

Copyright © 2019 by Judd Apatow. Used by permission of Random House,

an imprint and division of Penguin Random House LLC.