School swot Einstein spends most of the lessons
telling tales. Sometimes the teachers give him lines
for being a grass, but usually it’s you who gets the
punishment. Repeatedly knocking him out of his
chair so he can’t finish his sentence is the only way
to shut him up.
CLASSIC BOSS
The school is so chronically oversubscribed,
there aren’t enough chairs for all the pupils.
You have to shove somebody out of their seat,
forcing them to shove the next person out, until
eventually you get shoved out yourself. Then
you get given lines for falling on the floor.
CLASSIC MOMENT
02
A
n authentic simulation of
1980s school life, Skool Daze
sees young Eric endure an
endless timetable of double
maths, triple geography and relentless
bullying as he attempts to liberate
an incriminating report from the
headmaster’s safe.
It was unusual in that the school
would more or less run itself if you left
it alone. Pupils would go from class to
class, write on the blackboards before
the teachers arrive, punch each other in
the face during breaks and tell tales to
get each other in trouble.
In the midst of this clockwork riot,
your job was to set all of the school’s
trophies flashing, by jumping up and
hitting them or by knocking down a
teacher and bouncing a catapult off
his head. Once this was accomplished,
the teachers would be hypnotised
into giving up their piece of the safe
combination.
Retrieving the report would allow
you to move up a year rather than be
held back for remedial purposes, while
accumulating 10,000 lines worth of
punishment – an all too easy feat –
would see you expelled. A sequel, Back 2
Skool, expanded on the format to great
effect, but the original is probably the
more fondly remembered.