Haley (Sarah Hyland) and her mom, Claire
(Julie Bowen), disagreeing on parenting strategy,
on Modern FamilyThe book says you’re not
supposed to make eye
contact during nap time.They’re babies, not
Johnny Depp on a film set.The
Three Top
TweetsZach Galifianakis, using Matthew McConaughey’s catchphrase against
him, in Between Two Ferns: The Movie“A lr i g h t ,
alright,alright.Sorry, I was just reading
the box office returns
for your last three movies.1 / lol John just threw an entire
suitcase in the car and said he was
going to the studio. he’s for sure
leaving us. Lip Sync Battle commentator
Chrissy Teigen, worrying her husband,
John Legend, is running away
@chrissyteigen3 / The last time I used “in my great
and unmatched wisdom” was dur-
ing a drunken fight with a friend about
which pizza place we should order
from. Schitt’s Creek star Dan Levy, recalling
when he spoke like Donald Trump tweets
@danjlevy2 / It’s bulls--- that fantasy
football doesn’t have any
wizards in it. Home Alone star
Macaulay Culkin, feeling betrayed
@IncredibleCulk1 2 3
THIS MONTH’S
SHARPEST LINES
Sound BitesConnie the Hormone Monsteress (Maya Rudolph), enjoying the activities of the boys, on Big MouthJohn Oliver, shaming himself, on Last Week TonightI haven’t
encountered
this much
resistance since
I tried to
get Timothée
Chalamet to go out
into the sun.
Tahani (Jameela Jamil), complaining,
on The Good PlaceTom (Matthew Macfadyen),
learning of a rival’s potential
diagnosis, on Succession“INTERESTING,
BECAUSE YOU
DON’T REALLY
HEAR MUCH
ABOUT SYPHILIS
THESE DAYS.
VERY MUCH THE
MYSPACE OF STDS.
Jessica (Constance Wu), railing
against her son’s choice of drama as
an elective, on Fresh Off the Boat“WELL, I DIDN’T
THINK HE
WOULD CHOOSE
SOMETHING SO
USELESS. THAT’S
RIGHT UP THERE
WITH SPANISH
OR CPR TRAINING.
“You know the Senate,
it’s the country’s second-
most-influential body
after Dwayne ‘The Rock’
Johnson’s. Ladies and
gentleman, that man is five
years older than me,
and I know. Whatever you’re
thinking now, I know.””
“Ranking the girls makes
us feel powerful, likea BuzzFeed freelancer.”