A o n e - wa y tic ke t t o yo ur c hil dh o o d b e dro o m.
By HANNAH CHAMBERSThe perfect book for every
Thanksgiving-dinner hellscape
Whether your
personal nightmare
is travel, gluten, or
simply interacting
with more than
two human beings
at once, there’s
something not-so-
fun for everyone this
holiday. The solution:
locking yourself in
a room with a book
based on the terribly
specific shitshow
you’ll be dealing
with. Feel free to
download the audio
version and pop in
headphones if
you’re stuck without
a door to slam
at your cousin’s
house.
THE SITCH
Your wildly
successful
siblings make
you look lazy
You are officially the
Chandler Bing of your
family—nobody really
knows what you do.
Sample Q: “Do you use
the social media?”
(Your sister is a
pediatric surgeon.)
YOUR READ
Lifestyles of Gods
and Monsters,
by Emily Roberson
Picture a world where
Greek mythology and
KUWTK intertwine.
But, like, beyond
Kim K.’s brief gladiator-
sandal phase.THE SITCH
You keep
wondering what
y o u r o l d
bae is up to
TBH, you only think
of them when you
return to the zip code
you lost your V-card in.
But maybe there’s a
deep reason you keep
thinking you see their
car around town?
YOUR READ
Find Me,
by André Aciman
FINALLY! Elio and
Oliver reunite decades
after their first very
peachy meeting. It’s
bittersweet.THE SITCH
Your ex-BFF
is tryna trap
y o u i n a
pyramid scheme
Oh, you thought she
was inviting you out
for drinks? How naive.
Homegirl just wants to
fill you in on the perks
of “starting a business
from your phone.”
YOUR READ
The Athena Protocol,
by Shamim Sarif
A spy’s team turns on
her for breaking the
“don’t kill” rule. Ugh.THE SITCH
Everyone wants
to know if you’re
“seeing someone
special”
You have literally never
been more single, but
your fam’s still nagging
you about marriage
and grandchildren.
YOUR READ
Love at First Like,
by Hannah Orenstein
A jewelry-store owner
accidentally ‘grams a
diamond ring on that
finger. Obv, she then
fakes an engagement.THE SITCH
Uncle Marty
keeps babbling
about politics
Watching your
relatives’ v question-
a b l e FB ra n t s c o m e t o
life over sweet pota-
toes is the kind of
stressor that disrupts
the streak of clear skin
you’ve been enjoying.
YOUR READ
The Testaments,
by Margaret Atwood
You know who’s in just
as much worse pain?
Freakin’ Offred.
This Handmaid’s Tale
sequel takes place
15 years later.14 Cosmopolitan November 2019
JEFFREY^ WESTBR
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