Finweek English Edition - October 24, 2019

Piker

50 finweek 24 October 2019 http://www.fin24.com/finweek

Verbatim

“Missing a train is only painful

if you run after it! Likewise, not

matching the idea of success others

expect from you is only painful if

that’s what you are seeking.”

• Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Lebanese-American
  essayist, former trader and risk analyst
  (1960- )

On margin

GSElevator @GSElevator

#1: Public speaking is easy. Just

imagine that everyone in the audience

is staring at their phones.

Erik Voorhees @ErikVoorhees

Most people think the US dollar has

been around for a couple hundred

years. In reality, it’s been around since

1971. Before that, “US dollar” was a
      proxy term for a specific weight of
      gold. The fiat dollar is just a middle-
      aged payment instrument with high
      cholesterol.

Johann Biermann @JohannBiermann1

I would like to dedicate this game to all

the South Africans who emigrated to

Canada. #RSAvCAN

Sentletse @Sentletse

People who have built successful

business through influential

connections and dodgy tenders must

stop telling us about the power of hard

work. Let’s just respect each other.

The Dad @thedad

My wife has like 20% of a conversation

in her head before she decides to bring

me into it. We can be driving in silence

and she’ll just be like “and then we’ll

pick the kids up and go straight from

there.”

Tash @EloquentTash

A good way to prepare yourself for

parenthood is to talk to rocks. They

have similar listening habits.

Give him another chance
This issue’s isiZulu phrase is uyaz’
sizofa. Uyaz’ sizofa is actually the
question “Ahhhhhh! Oh, goodness! You
are aware we are going to die, right? All
of us! We are doomed!”
Okay, uyaz’ sizofa is not that
hysterical. It’s simply “You are aware
we are all going to die, right?” Which is
exactly what is going to happen to all
of us.
With a slew of surgical students
failing their exams, a highly-placed
source within the medical fraternity
(his name may or may not be Melusi
Doctor Tshabalala) tells me that to
make it easier for the students, he
has put forward a proposal where the
students will do practical exams.
The proposal is that students get
to return to their hospitals to perform
surgeries that they are not yet qualified
for. If you die while they perform on
you, they get a chance to take the
exam on someone else. If you live,
regardless of what complications you
are left with, they pass and are entitled

to respect, massive salaries and out-

of-this-world perks.

Even if you don’t need surgery, you

would still get it because the students

must get tested. “You’ve got a sore

throat? Good. Let’s remove your

spine.”

Or was it Dr Kevorkian who told me

this? Nope, he is dead – ufile. So it is

the good doctor from Melusi’s Everyday

Zulu who told me of this devious plot

to kill us all. Dr Tshabalala also said the

exam was so easy, even I could have

passed it, simply by virtue of Doctor

being my middle name.

Anyway, uyaz’ sizofa. All of us.

Somebody, stop Dr Tshabalala and the

surgical students.

Hey, Dr Tshabalala and The Surgical

Students sounds like the name of a

killer rock band.

PS: The Dr Tshabalala referred to

here is me because my middle name

is Doctor. I am not a real doctor, even

though I am really Doctor.

• Melusi’s #everydayzulu by Melusi Tshabalala