DEAR E. JEAN: I’m a 26-year-old reporter at a
daily newspaper. Our managing editor is com-
pletely incompetent: He can’t edit, doesn’t know
how to use technology, and, worst of all, sexually
harasses me and another coworker and lets
other men in the building behave in the same
inappropriate manner.
I complained to the publisher, who said he’s
“aware,” and that he’s “taken steps” to make
sure he performs better. However, the editor
continues to create a toxic environment in the
newsroom. How do I get this man out of here?
I could do his job and save the paper!
—Rebel ReporterRebel, My Renegade: Gather proof of incompe-
tency—incriminating emails, recordings of sex-
ually harassing conversations, data on declining
circulation—and send a registered letter to the
CEO of the company that owns your paper.
Give him a short summary of what is going on
and a brief list of the evidence you have gath-
ered. Tell him that if he does not launch an
investigation, you will file a formal complaint
with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity
Commission and form an investigative unit to
write a series of articles about it.
It’s a worthy fight, Rebel! And during this
unsettling era when talented editors are look-
ing for work, a Google search reveals that your
managing editor is a dairy farmer who’s never
edited a word in his life, and your publisher is
a chiropractor. You are a reporter at one of the
last great small-town dailies. Go get them!DEAR E. JEAN: I’m a female VP of an asset man-
agement start-up. Because my job requires me
to be aggressive, I like reversing the power dy-
namic and being submissive in bed. I’ve been
seeing a man for a few weeks, and we’ve talked
about all the sexy things we’re into—being tied
up and so on. I thought we’d negotiated every-
thing, but when it came time to try them, the
scene was a nightmare!
We used my bed restraints once before, but
this time he wanted to use them along with my
ball gag. We’d never discussed ball gags, but I let
him. After I was gagged and tied, he took things
one step further and put my blindfold on me.
Again, we’d never negotiated it. If I had been
able to speak, I would’ve told him no. Another
thing we had never talked about was inflicting
pain. If I hadn’t been blindfolded, he would have
quickly seen tears running from my eyes.
I did consent to having sex and he apolo-
gized afterward, and I believe he was taking on
the dominant role that had worked well in the
past. But I was in pain and unable to say I was
terrorized. Was this abuse? Do I see him again?
—Am I a Victim?Don’t, My Darling: You’re a powerful woman
who likes her kinks—and how happy are we
to live in a time when a daring female can get
what she wants. But my Gawd, sister! Never let
a person you’ve just met tie you up. You know
this! You also know you must prearrange ev-
erything. You discuss! You debate! You dicker!
You go down your checklist and agree “Yes” or
“No.” You control the scene like you’re Kathryn
Bigelow. Was it abuse? Yes. Your thing is to feel
the ecstasy of being helpless—not tortured. Do
not see him again.DEAR E. JEAN: I’ve made it to college—and I’m 30!
Up until this year, my entire life has been cen-
tered around taking care of other people, from
my mentally delayed sister to my emotionally
abusive ex-boyfriend. I have both a physical and
a learning disability, which has left me with the
( false!) belief that I was too stupid for college
or a career, and yet I’ve moved on to the next
stage of my life.
I want to have fun, Auntie E, but I’m scared
I’m going to flunk out and prove everyone who
ever doubted me right! Got one of your spectac-
ular maxims on how to win at college?
—Longtime Reader, First-Time College
Student!Longtime, You Marvel: Fantastic! Congratula-
tions! Here are Auntie Eeee’s Top Seven Ways
to Win at College: (1) Avoid depressed people.
(2) Wait to declare your major. (3) Take the
dean of students to tea (deans rarely get to talk
to students). (4) Give a black-tie party in your
room at the beginning of every finals period.
(5) When you reach your junior year, take a
road trip (it will help you figure out what you
want to do with your life). (6) Stay clued to your
professors’ vanities (it reveals what projects
they will reward with an A). (7) And you’re
paying for that degree, so make the buggers
in your college career service help you get
some damn job interviews. Good luck! I’m
overjoyed for you!ASK A QUESTION!
Via email: [email protected]
Twitter: @ejeancarroll
Instagram: @ejeancarroll1
Read past columns:
ELLE.com/life-love/ask-e-jean
Want more Auntie E?
You can watch videos, write with anonymity,
and exchange genius tips on Advice Vixens at
AskEJean.com. And if you’d like to read a book:
What Do We Need Men For? A Modest Proposal.Plus: A bad night of
BDSM and an
academic late bloomer.ADVICETHE
CREEPY
EDITOR
ASK E. JEAN
GIEVES ANDERSON (MAKEUP BY WILLIAM MURPHY FOR TOM FORD).144